1 It’s Real Life
My starin’ off into space is broken by a knock on my car window. I’m already dreadin’ goin’ inside, but Raj wanted to know why I’m just sittin’ in the car, and his dinner isn’t ready after workin’ such a “long day.” I took a deep breath and hit the start button to let down the window. “What’s up, Raj?”
He stared back at me as if I’m some idiot savant and asked, “what the fuck you mean, what’s up? Why you sittin’ here lookin’ crazy, and I’m hungry?”
Restin’ my hands in my face and uttered back, “just give me a moment; I’m tryna get myself together! I had a hard day at work today, and my dad has been on my ass all day!”
Raj snapped back, “well, you better figure it out!”
I gather my belongings and head towards the front door.
I get so tired of his shit daily, but I deal with it because I love him. I’m really too tired to cook, but that’s what he required as the man of the house, and I obliged him as king of the castle.
“Livy, I have to go outta town in the morning, so make sure you have somewhere for these kids to be after school,” Raj jokingly mentions as I’m dicing onions.
“Yes sir, I’ll make sure to get right on that,” I say as I roll my eyes into the back of my head.
“I saw that,” he snarled while biting down into a peach. “why you always gotta have an attitude when I tell you to do some?”
I whispered under my breath, “I don’t have an attitude!”
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and yelled, “just do what the fuck I said do Liv! Ain’t no other way around it!” He walked off pissed, and I’m left there with a five-year-old tuggin’ at my right side, and a puppy on my left wanting to be fed.
I called my eight-year-old son to the kitchen, “Gio, come set the table so we can eat!” He yelled back, “maaaaaaaa, why can’t Moni do it?”
I threw my hand on my hip “BOY IF YOU DON’T GET IN HERE AND DO WHAT I SAID!”
I heard his feet hit the floor, and mumblin’ as he headed towards the cabinet. “Boy, you betta find some chill and do what I said.”
He slowly grabbed one plate at a time and handles his business just to appease me, when Moni walked in the kitchen “ha ha ha stop bringin’ my name up lil boy and do what mommy says,” taunting him as usual.
Gio snapped back quick as fuck, “you the oldest and a girl, you outta be doin’ this anyway, “slammin’ the silverware on the table. “Excuse me,” I say, “there are no gender roles in this house!”
Raj walked in “that’s woman work” as he smirked and laughed at the conversation. “But Nah, for real son, help ya, mama, I said I was ready to eat an hour ago,” rolling his eyes. Everyone sat down, and we try to enjoy a meal.
Phillies and fries always seem to make things better in my household. Everyone is fat full, and no one is complainin’. All the homework is done, and I just wanna lay down for two seconds without hearin’ my name. I really need to ground myself and cleanse my aura before I completely spazz on somebody, but I just cannot find the time to do somethin’ for myself. I hopped down from my Cali king plush ass bed to take a shower, and Raj grabs me from behind kissin’ me on the neck.
“That food was good bae! I wish it woulda been sooner!” he laughed.
“But you ate, tho,” I grumbled back and snatched away.
“Yo, what the fuck is your problem? I try to kiss on you, show you some appreciation, and you still got an attitude” Raj scoffs.
“Look, I just wanna take a shower and cool out Raj, no bullshit right now,” and I know that he can hear the distress in my voice.
“Cant shit makes you happy,” Raj sneers back, and I just breezed by him walkin’ into the bathroom takin’ off my clothes. “That ass fat tho,” Raj laughed as I closed the bathroom door.
The heat and steam in the shower feel as if they were purifying my inner being. The water beatin’ down my back, slidin’ down the crack of my voluptuous ass and streamin’ down my calves to my toes feelin’ like it’ s wrappin’ around me. Drifting’ out, I see how I had so much hope for this relationship. Three kids, sixteen years, a house, and a dog later, it’s almost like we resent one another. How did we even get here? See, when I met Raj, he was one of the most energetic and excitin’ men I’d met in my life. He took me on a whirlwind rollercoaster ride, only for us to be sitting at the bottom of it, with our hands still in the air.
Gawd, he was so sexy, and I really just wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me, but his words would drive me insane. He didn’t know how to just chill sometimes without gettin’ live, but that’s who he is. Unfortunately, I’d grown weary of the bullshit.
“Moooooooooooom tell Gio to get outta my room” I heard Moni screamin’ from the hallway.
I continued to shower and ignored their antagonistic shit too. Gio was just one his father and would torture the hell out of his sister, but I need this peace right now, so they’ll just have to fight it out.
Grrrrrr, the water is gettin’ cold, and one of those hellions just flushed the toilet on me, and I know it’s to get me out. For God’s sake, I shoulda…Raj slides the shower door open grinnin’ from ear to ear.
“You gone give me some pussy tonight or Nah?” he laughed!
“Yeah, Raj, just give me a second,” I say sarcastically.
“Damn, I can’t get in with you,” Raj firmly states.
“Yeah, bae, get in,” extending my hand to him.
“Gawd damn girl, you got it hot as hell in here! You tryna boil a nigga,” Raj yelled jokingly. I busted out laughin’ and begin to wash his back.
Pressin’ my double Ds against his back, I inhale his scent, and it took me back to the moment we met. My Gawd that man smelled so good that day, that he stopped me in my tracks. I was walkin’ by him at my homegirl and business partner Tori’s film debut, and he was dressed to the nines, but had some bullshit broad following directly behind him. I shoulda known he was a mess then, but that tingle I felt in my kitty when he accidentally bumped into me, took me to a-whole-nother place.
What’s funny is I know Raj still fucks with the broad from time to time, he could never let her go. That’s the reason I started fuckin’ with Jayce about six years ago. As a matter of fact, I wish I was with him now instead of Raj gropin’ on me in the shower, but that’s neither here nor there. You fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.
Tessa had been Raj’s side bitch damn near half our entire relationship, and I never knew until I saw her with a little boy who looked just like Gio in the Galleria one afternoon about four years ago. I was shocked to death, honey, and she couldn’t say a word. She swooped that lil boy so quickly in her arms and took off that my head spun.
I couldn’t get to my phone fast enough to take a pic, but Raj came clean about it anyway. I tossed dishes, slammed doors, broke shit, and slapped the fuck out of him, but nothin’ made me colder towards him than knowin’ he’d got her pregnant. Cheatin’ was one thing, but to create a life was another. Gio was our second child, we’d been married for sixteen years. We made it past the five-year hump, I thought we were happy, but I guess I was wrong. It was the reason he named my son Giovanni, not just after his grandfather, but because Tessa’s son was born six months before, and she’d named him Raj Jr. You think you know someone. But mostly you just see what you want to know.
Gaaaaawd, I detest this man, but I love him so much.” Mmmmmmmm,” I moaned as he began to penetrate me from behind knockin’ me out of that phantasm quickly. If there was one thing he did know how to do, and that was turn me the fuck on. With each stroke, he went deeper and deeper inside of me, makin’ me unremittingly cream all over his dick. He grabbed my ponytail and began to stroke vigorously in and out of me, smackin’ me on the ass so hard that we started to slide in the shower. He opened the shower door, grabbed my hand, and guided me to the bed. I guess he wasn’t ready to cum just yet, and I definitely wasn’t prepared to stop.
I put one knee up to climb on the bed and Raj grabbed me by the waist, giving me a double-tap on the ass to put my other knee on the bed I prop my ass up in the air. My arch was perfect for preparing for impact. Raj drove his dick between my walls as I gripped it tightly with my muscles, and took me to pound town on the fuck truck! Schlip, schlip, schlip was all you could hear beyond my muffled cries as I buried my head in the pillows. My wetness was surrounding him, makin’ him dig deeper with every thrust, he flipped me over, kissed me in the mouth, and began to slow wind pushin’ my knees into my breast.
I opened my legs to let him fall down on my body. I loved to feel the warmth of his chest against mine as I held onto his lower back and pushed him further inside of me. His sweat was drippin’ on my face as I begged for more. Raj had me reachin’ my peak, and we climaxed together. That was the first time in a long time that we had bust together. Raj kissed me on the lips, hopped up went in the bathroom, and prepared to leave. I knew where he was going, but I didn’t want to think about it! He fucked me down so he wouldn’t have to hear my mouth about going to Tessa’s house, so I just rolled over, closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.
2 Orderly Chaos
Arrrrgh, it’s just one of those mornings. Everything is moving at a rapid pace, and I’m late as hell! I’m wrestling with my four-year-old girl’s hair, Aspen, she got her name from where she was conceived. I couldn’t tell you if she belonged to Raj or Jayce, because she’s my spittin’ image. Almost like I made her all by myself without the help of either of them niggas. This child is makin’ sweat roll down my forehead at 6 a.m. She just can’t be still, squirmin’, cryin’, and tryna watch ‘Paw Patrol’ at the same time. Gio’s ass is runnin’ around throwin’ his football, ready for me to put my foot in his ass as soon as he knocks over somethin’ in my living room, Moni is on her phone as usual, and Raj never made it back home last night. Stupid bastard, it’s coo tho, because I’ll see Jayce tonight, and take out all of this frustration, slidin’ my pussy across his face.
Shit! finally in the Range about to get these kids to school. “Mooooooni,” I holler makin’ sure she can hear me through her earbuds, “did you call Ms. Graves to make sure y’all can come over after school?” I ask. “Yeeeeees, mom,” Moni hissed sarcastically! She’s gonna pick up Gio, then me, then Aspen and take us home,” she answered. “Look! I’m just making’ sure,” I snapped back in my mom’s voice!
The tires hittin’ the pavement is the best chamber echo I can hear and zone as I drop these kids off, I cannot wait to get to Jayce and have a free night from my family. I love them dearly, but is this the life I really signed up for? I never had any intentions of havin’ any kids and a husband before Raj. I just wanted to design clothes wit’ my partner Tori and travel the world. Now I go on family vacations trapped in an SUV for hours because Raj doesn’t wanna take Aspen on a plane ’til she’s five, sigh! My stoicism increases daily, but I love these little people in my life, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
The sound of Jayce’s text comin’ through snaps me up out of my daze, I didn’t even realize I had my ringer on, I never do, but I knew this text was comin’ just like me later tonight. “Ok, Moni baby have a good day,” I express lovingly kissin’ her on her forehead, “don’t forget to Facetime me when you all get with Ms. Graves, “I hollered thought the partially cracked window. “Ok, ok, mom, my friends are out here,” Moni exclaims while scowlin’ lookin’ at two teen girls giggle in the background.
”My bad babe, I know you’re growin’ up; I just don’t want you to,” I utter sweetly to my beautiful baby. She had curls down her back, baby hairs that caressed her face, cute almond-shaped bright eyes, but I could start to see my figure comin’ out in her body. Moni will kill ‘em dead when she grows up, and that’s why I stay strapped. I gotta protect what’s mine.
Now look at this nigga Raj, he wanna Facetime now. I bet he took Tessa with him to Vegas, and that’s why he didn’t come home. I hit the ignore button on that ass and dropped Gio and Aspen off at the daycare. Uhhhhh! you gettin’ out the car or what?” Tori giggles to me in the parking lot of our studio. “Girl, I guess,” I snicker and sneer towards T. She didn’t know I knew she was fuckin’ Raj too, but I put too much into both of these bitches to let my shit fall just because they wanna fuck. Imma get this money, live in my big ass house, and spend his money while stackin’ mines hmph.
Irritably lookin’ at Tori, “did the yellow silk come in so Manny can rouche the dresses for Vella’s wedding?” I guess she could feel the way I was lookin’ at her while she glanced away, “uh yeah bitch,” Tori snapped back. “I just asked bitch,” I expressed with a kickback. We split paths and to go into our offices. “What you say?” I chided Tori hearin’ her mumblin’ under her breath. “I didn’t’ say shit, tho Liv,” Tori murmured.
As soon as I sat down in my chair, here’s the nigga I wanna talk to, on my line. He was exceptional from the depth of his brown eyes that sparkled with intensity, honesty, and gentleness to the smooth profound expressions of his voice. What he is, what made him beautiful came from the depths of his soul, makin’ me want to feel how his soft thick lips touch mine, and his hands followin’ the curves of my body.
His skin was darker than any evanescent touch of the sun could deliver, and he looked like sin in a suit. Jayce was a partner at his firm and practically any woman’s dream. His pearly straight teeth seemed to gleam harder when he smiled at you, he absolutely took my breath away.
“Let me see it, bae,” Jayce demanded!
“What?” I gushed.
“There go the teeth,” Jayce grinned at me and said, “that smile!”
I started to blush, “boy, I don’t have time to play wit’ you right now. I have to get this inventory together and make sure it gets shipped in the next two hours!”
Rollin’ his eyes, he laughed back “ok ok bae! Imma see you tonight and uh, make sure you don’t wear panties to dinner” and hung up on me. I don’t know what I’m doin’ runnin’ round wit this nigga, eatin’ out, and goin’ on dates, but I really don’t care if I do get caught anyway.
I remember the first night vividly Jayce and I fucked. It’s still buried deep in my thoughts to this day, and it’s nearly been five years that we’ve kept this up. He could’ve been got a bitch by now. I’m sure he fucks other broads, but he never lets me know anything about it and is always beggin’ me to leave Raj, screamin’ he’ll help me take care of the kids. Raj would kill my black ass if another man was ever around his children.
That cold January in Colorado night, my boyfriend and I were made love, it was passionate and exhilaratin’. I don’t know if it was because I was cheatin’ or the way that Jayce dicked me down, but I felt shock waves buildin’ deep inside me as he worked his muscle inside of me, every nerve in my body and brain was electrified. Just thinkin’ about him bein’ on the plane three seats from husband turned me the fuck on. I was gettin’ closer and closer to screamin’ at the top of my lungs when he whispered in my ear, “Talk dirty to me.
I mumbled, “You feel so good.”
He countered back, “bitch, I said, talk dirty!”
I was taken aback, but I began to moan in his ear, tellin’ him that he was strokin’ like a beast and that I lusted for him. That’s when he put down the choke stroke from behind, and I knew I was trapped. I started cumin’ like a ragin’ river all over his thick dick, the bed, and all down my legs. That man is an incredibly skilled, tender, and assertive lover. I couldn’t give him up, I wouldn’t give him up, and if Raj ever found out about it, he’d have to deal with it the same way I dealt with his side family and his fuckin’ my friend. That was the beginning of an escapade that has lasted years. Jayce has never disappointed me in the bed, on the floor, on the counter, wherever he laid pipe!
3 Brutally Broken
Boop! Finally, time to go, and I know because Jayce is textin’ me; it has to be six p.m. “Hey bae, you ready for tonight?” I can’t wait to feel him inside of me. I need to release this frustration from dealin’ wit’ Raj and his bullshit. Jayce and I were in love, happy, content; but why is it so painful being in love, why is there so much pain in what’s supposed to happiness? I wish there was a way for us to be together. I so confused; I’m stuck between the man I love and the father of my kids.
“Hey, Liv,” Tori called out. “Whaaaaaaaat?” I exclaimed! “I’m leaving I’m leaving I’m leaving!” I can hear her Alexander Wang stilettos clickin’ towards my office.
“I just want to make sure you have the designs ready for my premiere next Saturday. I’ve got to get Nate on makin’ the patterns,” peeking inside my door.
My eyes roll so far back in my head that I feel like I saw my hypothalamus! “I’ve nearly finished them! You do realize you’re a designer too, huh?”
Tori leans over my desk seductively lickin’ her lips playin’ overly modest at the same time, “yeah, but you’re better than me, and I need to focus on these actors” she pouted. “Ok, ok, ok, Tori, ” I say, annoyed. She runs up on me to hug me, I brush her off and head towards my car with my keys swingin’.
Blrlrlrlrlrl. Blrlrlrlrlrlr. “Liiiiiiiiv” Jayce expressed excitedly. “Bring dat ting to me!” His deep sonorous voice resonated deep within my being. My entire body began to tingle just at the thought of him squeezin’ on my ass and slappin’ it while hittin’ it from the back.
“I’m headin’ your way now, bae! You need me to pick up anything?”
Nah, lady! Remember, we’re supposed to go to dinner?” Jayce insisted!
“I know I know bae, jus’ makin’ sure. I can’t waaaaaait to lay my eyes on you! Muuuuuah, see you soon,” I replied while hittin’ end.
Shit, I’ll be there in a minute lemme handle these kids! I gotta make sure they’re straight, so I can slide in, in the mornin’ as if I worked late. They were used to it, and that’s why I love Mrs. Graves, she minds her bidness and takes excellent care of my babies. “Moni, I thought I told you to Facetime me when you all got home!” I holler on the phone. “Um, we just got here, mom! Mrs. Graves took us to Qdoba!”
“Ok, babe, kiss your brother and sister for me, and call if YOU NEED ANYTHING!”
“Yuck, I’m not kissin’ Gio,” she laughed.
“Just do what I said, gal” I responded and hung up.
I love those kids to the life of me. There’s nothin’ in this world I wouldn’t do for them. That’s why I stay in this dead-end marriage. I only have so much emotional energy each day, so I refuse to fight battles that don’t matter. I believed in our love. Hoped for our passion. I prayed for our love at one time, but I will no longer put my life on hold, waiting for Raj to love me right.
I’m not even out the car yet, and Jayce is already bendin’ me over pullin’ my red lace La Perla thongs to the side. “Mmmmmmmmmm! Baby damn! Nice to see you too,” I moaned.
“We’re never goin’ to make it to The Capital Grille under these circumstances bae,” I cried out as he kissed me up and down my back.
“You do realize there are other restaurants in Atlanta, huh?” he griped pullin’ away from me.
“Yes, I know, but we also can’t just be gallivanting around town like I’m not married, Jayce!”
“Whatever, Liv! Look, I’m not gonna continue to play second fiddle to a nigga that you don’t even like,” he yells. “Let me go shower, I’ll be ready in thirty minutes. Have some wine or somethin’ and chill,” he sighed, walking into his condo.
Ugh, I really don’t have time for this! This is the place I come to get away from the shit I have goin’ on at home, and he wants to bring this up now. I’m just gonna join him in the shower, and maybe he will forget that shit and move on to what we’re here for. Blrlrlrlrlrl. Blrlrlrlrlrlr. Jayce’s phone lights up on the dresser. I’m not really much into checkin’ his phone, but he never has his ringer on.
“Hey bae, can you hand me that” Jayce yells from the shower.
“Yeah, I got you,” I holler back. Tessa! What the fuck is she doin’ callin’ Jayce of all people?
How would they even know one another? I handed Jayce his phone and looks down, surprised as fuck.
“Uh, can you step out really quickly I need to take this” Jayce exclaims with a smirk on his face. I stand there kind of puzzled for a moment, and I walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
“Hey baby, how is your trip?” I hear Jayce say through the door. “Baby?” I whispered.
What in the fuck is goin’ on here? Now, I know they met at Tori’s premiere too when I met Raj, but I never really paid any attention, because I was too smitten with Raj to care. They did exchange business cards, but I knoooooooow they haven’t been fuckin’ around since then! This can’t be possible! The terror from my brain begins to reach the pit of my stomach, makin’ me queazy as fuck!
I can still hear him talkin’ to her as I move towards the bed to sit down. “I have a few loose ends to tie up over the weekend, baby, but I promise we will see each other as soon as you get back! I miss you so much, my love,” Jayce says in the phone. At this point, I can’t breathe, but I also can’t stay here. I gotta go! My side nigga is fuckin’ my husband’s side bitch. This is beyond me. This bitch wants every part of my life. What did I ever do to deserve this? I’m clumsily tryna gather my shit and run to my car before Jayce can get out of the shower, with tears rollin’ down my face.
I’m doin’ 100 down I-85 tryna get somewhere and breathe. I’m flustered, and Jayce keeps callin’ my phone. He knows I heard that shit, but there’s nothin’ he can really say to me at this point! I’ve told him everything about me, about Raj, and even about Tessa, and the whole time he’s been fuckin’ her. I have no idea where I’m goin’, but I don’t wanna be bothered right now! My world just flipped upside down, and I am brutally broken.
4 Fired Up
Frantically pacin’ back and forth. I know that I have finally exposed my hand.
“Bitch, you just had to call, didn’t you?” I screamed at this stupid ass broad Tessa
“Dumbass nigga, you didn’t have to answer or respond the way you did,” Tessa cackled.
“That’s your muthafuckin’ fault, but anywho, how are we gonna make this happen since she left?” Tessa asked. “Uh, no gettin’ caught at dinner now!”
“Listen, bitch; I want Liv probably more than you want Raj bitch ass. I was tryna make her jealous, not runoff, and she won’t answer my calls,” I hollered. “I gotta get her to that restaurant, and imma do it! You just make sure his parents are there.”
“Don’t worry bout me, nigga. I know you really do loooooove this pussy, but um I know how to play my role,” Tessa hissed. “It’s their regular date night, and I set it up for them every week because Liv is too lazy” she sucked her teeth, “you just find the bitch.”
“I know where she’s goin’! Don’t give that nigga all my pussy. Imma still hit it from time to time, bitch!” I laughed hangin’ up and head to my Wraith.
What I have with Liv is in 5D and completely different! How could I fuck this up this badly?” Jayce hollers slammin’ on his steerin’ wheel.
“There is no lust, ego manipulation, control, or selfish pleasures. It’s all about unity; we become one with another, experiencin’ a divine union, and sharing the highest form of intimacy through deep layers of trust and vulnerability, and I just lost all chances of keepin’ her” sighing to myself I sped down the driveway.
“If I’m giving you the cold shoulder, that’s closure
Needed someone to hold
But we both had our own motives, never told him that mine was to stay alone
And you don’t belong to me
So you don’t have to let me go
Doesn’t always have to be something more
I’ll be on my way,” blastin’ H.E.R from my speakers.
“I shoulda been let this nigga go! Both of em really. I’m a badass bitch wit’ plenty of bread and a profitable company! How I let myself get caught up?” I screamed.
I’m so fuckin’ shitty right now I could kill a muthafucka. My husband fuckin’ the same bitch, my boyfriend, fuckin’. Imma kill dis hoe! No, I’m not. That’s premeditated, but I got sumn for erybody!
“I got this! Hmmph,” I smirked!
Blrlrlrlrlrl. Blrlrlrlrlrlr. I really wish this nigga would just leave me alone right now. I looked at Jayce callin’ as I’m pulled up to a blue bungalow in Little Five Points.
I remember when I first bought this spot. I had made my first $100K on a gown that got me invited to The Fédération de la Haute Couture. The level of embellishment in that grey mesh Swarovski studded piece took over a thousand hours to create, as each was hand sewn. I worked my fingers until they bled, and I cried every night. I just wanted to be successful in the fashion game and own my own business. Shortly after returnin’ from Paris, I moved into this house and made it my home; I was hella proud. What’s funny is, Raj doesn’t even know I own it, when I met him I was in a condo at the Twelve. I thought I was doin’ sumn in a high rise to the point that I only ever pulled up to this spot when I needed to design a couture dress or when I fuckin’ Jayce bitch ass.
“Mmmmmmcth” I sucked my teeth, “let me go have a fuckin drink.”
“Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh” I hollered out standin’ at the kitchen counter. “The fuck am I gonna do now?” slammin’ down my glass of Kettle One, just thinkin’ hard as hell.
When we invest ourselves in deep personal relationships, we take a risk. We could always get hurt. The more we expose ourselves, the higher the potential for pain. No one can hurt us like someone we’ve trusted with our hearts. No one. I’m really trippin’ because I’m no better than any of them, but I felt like all of my moves had been around the ones Raj made. I refused just to be unhappy and let a nigga dog me out while I took care of home and kids.
Where I fucked up at was gettin’ too deep wit, my side nigga. We might even have a fuckin’ baby together, if this shit goes public, I’m fucked! I just gotta chill and take this shit into perspective; it was probably good I found out Jayce was fuckin’ wit Tessa, cause now I can cut him off. I’d never leave Raj for him, and he knows it. Maybe that’s what this is about; he started fuckin’ wit Tessa to either piss me off or catch me up. Either way, that nigga is done.
“Who the fuck is this? I looked down at my phone:
“Hello,” speaking on speakerphone.
“Uuuuuum, yes, is this Ms, Beauchamp? This is Melissa from The Capital Grille,” I heard on the other end.
“Oh yes, this is her,” I uttered.
“Well, we’re just making sure you’ll be dining with us tonight?” the tiny white girl voice on the other end squeaked.
“Yes, I’ll be there, but it’ll only be for one, thank you.”
“Thank you for the update, Ms. Beauchamp, we’ll see you in an hour” she hangs up.
I might as well eat. Enough of this Vodka on an empty stomach will have me ready to do somethin’ stupid, laughin’ to myself. Everything is gonna be ok. Let me go wash my ass and make myself presentable.
Blrlrlrlrlrl. Blrlrlrlrlrlr. “You find the bitch yet,” Tessa screamed in my phone.
“Yeah, I found her bitch, she’s at our lil spot” I yelp back sarcastically.
“Well, my patna at the restaurant texted me ya bitch was still goin’, so maybe she changed her mind and is still goin’ to meet you there,” Tessa laughed.
“I don’t know, she still ain’t answerin’ the phone. Imma see if she leaves here and Imma follow her,” I say distressed.
“You ain’t soundin’ sure, my nigga,” Tessa laughed.
“One way or the other them people gone see us together” I hang up the phone and see Liv walk across the living room in her lace panties. “Damn, that woman is fine,” I whispered. “I gotta keep her on my team! She gettin’ thicker too, been hitting that ass right!”
“There’s nothing I want more in this world
Than somebody who loves me naked
Someone who never asks for love
But knows how to take it
Are you that somebody
Who sees a wall and breaks it
Are you ready to fight just to see what’s lost behind my flaws
Can you love me naked?” Ella Mai crooned from my bedroom speakers.
I really wish someone would love me naked without fuckin’ over me. “Ok, bitch, don’t start cryin’,” I whimpered to myself. I’m better than this. I have been too playa all my life from the moment I jumped off the porch in the hood. I’ve come too far to let a bunch of bullshit muthafuckas take me out. I slid into my double-breasted satin-twill pastel pink suit and nude SO KATE Louboutin’s. I’m gonna have a good night anyway.
Ugh, there’s always a bunch of people here, that’s why this nigga wanted to come here, he wanted to be seen, tuh! “Hi, ma’am, would you like to valet” a young man’s voice snaps me out of my trance.
“Uh yeah, yeah, I would,” I smiled, and he runs around to open my door.
“Thank you, ma’am, let me help you down,” he extended his arm to mine.
“You’re so sweet” I smiled at the lil chocolate baby. He couldn’t be any more than eighteen, nineteen, but I’m sure he’s a heartbreaker too thinkin’ to myself as I reached the hostess stand.
“Yes, reservation for Beauchamp, please.”
“Right away, ma’am,” a pretty young brunette girl says. “I’m Melissa, I just talked to you on the phone, good to see you,” she smiled, “right this way.”
The lil lady directed me to a cozy booth.
“This is cute,” I mentioned while slidin’ into the booth.
“I hope you enjoy your evening,” Melissa retorted while walkin’ away.
“I just wanna talk to you,” Jayce texts.
“I’m not fuckin’ wit you right now,” I text back.
He messages, “I can’t live without you, Liv, don’t do this to me.”
“What is that we need to talk about Jayce, you fuckin’ wit the enemy, my nigga. I’m good on you!” I responded.
“Just tell me where you at Liv! Let me explain, Liv!”
“I’m handlin’ my bidness and clearin’ my head. I gotta see about my kids.” I answered tryna end this text session.
“I know that’ll make him leave me alone,” I sucked’ my teeth.
“We could be a family by now if you would just do the right thing!” he countered.
This nigga has to be out of his rabid ass mind. I know he didn’t bring this shit up again.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir. You must have the wrong number,” I answered back finally.
“QUIT PLAYIN’ WIT ME!!!” Jayce texts.
Let me turn this phone off; this is dead.
An older black woman walks up to the table and asks if she can take my drink order, “Kettle One dirty martini, three olives, please.”I don’t even look up while hittin’ the power button on my phone. This nigga won’t make me weak and get the best of me. Four martinis’ later and my waitress is back askin’ me if I want to order food.
“Just let me have the tab lady, and I’ll go sit at the bar, I don’t really want any food,” I exclaimed.
Smiling, “I can have your tab transferred to the bar ma’am if that’s what you’d like,” she said.
“Yes, that would be lovely,” I responded, droppin’ a fifty on the table headin’ to the bar. There’s an end seat available, and I try to hurry towards it before anyone else can get there.
“Well, well, is that Olivia?” I heard from behind me. I sigh hard, I know that voice, it’s Vanessa Bush, the editor of SENSEI Magazine. I spun around with a strained smile on my face, “why yes, it is! How are you, Vanessa?”
“I’m great, love the suit!” She pointed up and down. “So, what are you working on right now,” she expressed rather lively for me at the current moment.
“I have a lot of things on the way, well, Tori and me,” I chided.
“Can’t wait to see which ones we’ll post,” she smirked walkin’ away.
My Gawd now was not the time to see her or have a conversation. One false word and it’s all wrong for me, at least the corner seat is still here. The bartender smiles at me and places another martini in front of me. My ambition should be to gettin’ me as much life out of livin’ as I possibly can! As much enjoyment, as much interest, as much experience, as much understanding, and not to only be what is generally called a “success,’ but I’m fuckin’ it up on my own. Nobody really made me cheat; it was my choice. “Another please bartender” I put my glass up, and he nodded.
“LIV” I heard Jayce holler behind me, and I just put my head down. I knew I shoulda took my ass home! “I love you,” he spins my chair around and drops down to one knee. I am mortified at this point, grabbin’ my bag to run, and he grabbed my hand, “will you marry me, Olivia” he asked?
Everyone started applaudin’, and just then, I see Raj’s father standin’ to the back left of Jayce lookin’ confused. I was rendered speechless and frozen in place. Before I could catch my bearings, the cameras were already flashin’! I’m fucked and fired up!
5 Wedded War
This really can’t be happenin’ right now! What the fuck is wrong with Jayce?
“SECURITY! SOMEONE HELP ME GET THIS CRAZY MAN AWAY FROM ME!” I started hollerin’ at the top of my lungs.
Raj’s father Ramon ran to my side “are you ok, Liv? What’s goin’ on here,” he asked?
Tears had begun to roll down my face, “I have no idea, Mr. B!” I exclaimed!
A tall, husky white APD officer rushed over to us “ma’am is there a problem?” he asked forcefully.
“I have no idea what’s goin’ on! This man grabbed me while I was sittin’ here at the bar!” I pointed at Jayce.
Jayce begins laughin’ hysterically, “so this what we doin’ Livvy,” he asked?
“I’m sorry, but I have no idea who you are speaking to me in such a familiar manner! Officer, please get this man away from me,” I requited.
I can’t believe I’m about to have Jayce arrested, but I have no other choice. Why would he do somethin’ so stupid in front of all of these people? I knew this was gonna be a fucked up evenin’ when I questioned him about a place so public. Twelve tried to handcuff him, and he goes off:
“You’re gonna pay for this one way or the other Liv! I promise you that. You’re gonna need me and come crawlin’ back WHEN THAT BULLSHIT NIGGA FINDS OUT EVERYTHING!” Jayce screamed lividly! “I GOT YOU! I PROMISE YOU THAT!”
I took a deep breath, and tears started to roll down my eyes again!
“I’m not sure what’s going on here, Liv, but I think we need to call Raj, and you definitely need to press charges,” Mr. Beauchamp commanded while Mrs. B. walked up to investigate the scene.
“What’s goin’ on here” Raj’s mother Addie requested. “I was in the lady’s room and overheard some women saying Liv was in trouble,” she added.
“Some crazy man just grabbed her out of her chair and tried to propose to her,” Ramon voiced. “Luckily, a police officer walked up and helped to restrain the weirdo,” he lamented.
“Well, when you’re as beautiful as Livvy, I can see how that could happen,” Addie chuckled. “Let’s sit down to eat.”
“No, no,” I blurted! “I think I need to call Raj and go lay..,” before I could finish my statement…
Raj is on my line, and I made a B-Line towards my ride to get the fuck outta there. I can’t answer right now; I just have to get on bout my bidness. Lawd! How did this go this far?
“Young man, young man,” I called tryna get the attention of the valet while he waves back smilin’ with my ticket in his hand. I’m quite sure he’s been told to get to me expeditiously after what just occurred. I’m absolutely mortified.
“Well, I uh believe they have your car on the way after all that,” Vanessa laughed! “You have twenty-four hours before this whole story goes public, well less than that with social media! I’m sure someone has posted a video or pic from their phone right now,” adjusting her collar. “You can give us the exclusive and get ahead of the bullshit, or we’ll say EXACTLY WHAT I SAW,” Vanessa vouched, walking towards her S-Class tickled.
‘Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck! I just cannot catch a break right now,” I snapped, slammin’ my fists on the steerin’ wheel. “Let me get the fuck outta here,” I whispered, puttin’ the Range in gear, mashin’ my foot on the gas.
“There is a void that stands between us.
And it seems it’s getting harder to relate.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine
Life this way
I want to know what good love feels like
Good love, good love,” Anita bellowed through my BOSE speakers.
Anita always made me think of Jayce. I felt like he rescued me. He was my ‘Angel,’ gave me ‘Good Love,’ and was my ‘Sweet Love.’ I’d just played crazy as hell in that restaurant and let him really go to jail.
Fuuuuck I have to find a way out of this. I know how to make him forgive me. I hope I can make him forgive me. Just remind him of Aspen, and all will be well. He believes she’s his anyway. I’m steady suckin’ my teeth and laughin’ to myself. Really it’s fuck him.
Everything is out there now.
I can’t keep goin’ back and forth with myself like this; Imma drive myself insane. Hell, I don’t have anyone else to bla…
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah” I barely had time to scream before the airbags knocked me back and sideways. I sat there silently, inside of my own head screamin’, glued to the wheel of my wrecked car. I screamed at my wheel, at myself, and at the muthafucka that had just crashed into my vehicle. Everything was happenin’ in slow motion. I’m surprised, confused, and don’t really know what is goin’ on. I just know shit is gettin’ worse by the minute.
I started to see smoke risin’, and I released my seatbelt, opened the door pushin’ as hard as I could with it bein’ jammed, and tried to ease out of my shit. I’d become disorientated before I realized I’d probably sustained a concussion that had me driftin’ in and out of consciousness while still on my feet. My stupid ass zoned too far out.
I looked down at my phone one last time before my body collapsed on the pavement. I could hear the sirens muffled in the background, everything was spinnin’, and people were standin’ over me screamin’ tryna help, I think. I started to feel somethin’ movin’ over my forehead, the thick fluid, no warmer or colder than my own skin. The pain that once burned like a fire started to fade away to an icy numbness. I could still hear the muffled conversations of people around me, I listened to the cameras flashin’, and a paramedic was askin’ everyone to step back. By now, I know the whole ordeal is live on every tv, phone, tablet, and laptop.
My body was bein’ shifted onto a gurney and jerked up into the air. The wheels rotated heavily on the ambulance floor, as I was scurted away with the sirens wailin’ until they faded into nothingness.
I knew I was in the hospital from the stuffy air with that undertone of bleach.
“Sir, your wife, has sustained some severe injuries,” Dr. Boyd scolded Raj.
“Well, she has to be moved from here,” Raj yelled! “How can she get any better in this shit? Just get her up outta here!”
“This is the ICU,” Dr. Boyd attempted to say calmly. “She’ll be here for at least a couple of days,” the doctor argued while walkin’ away, and I faded to black/
I knew I’d been moved to a private room because the air had an aromatic scent. Openin’ my eyes and gazin’ around slowly, I could see the seats were plush. Every surface was dustless, and there were vases of sunflowers, my fav flower, everywhere. The noise of television began to make my head hurt, so I closed my eyes.
I heard a voice I despised, it was Tessa, and she was talkin’ to Raj.
“Bitch, you know this is my wife. I’m not doin’ a muthafuckin’ thing until I know she’s right,’ I heard through his clenched teeth.
“Well, she looks like she’s about to die anyway,” Tessa hissed.
“Bitch, I’ll beat yo ass in this hallway! That’s still the mother of my children. I don’t want her dead. I just want a divorce, and if you say some bullshit like that again, I won’t be with your stupid ass when I do” Raj scolded that hoe and stormed off.
Tack. Tack. Tack… I could hear Tessa walkin’ into my room, so I quickly closed my eyes, pretendin’ to be still unconscious. She always wore such cheap shoes. I always wondered why she never made Raj upgrade her, but then again, she wasn’t me. “Hmmph,” I smiled in my head.
“Listen, bitch; I know you know I know,” Tessa whispered over me, caressin’ my hair.
I wanted to reach up and choke that hoe, but I needed to hear this so I could plan my next move.
“Raj is mine now fa sho. You know Jayce is gonna tell everything,” she laughed in a low tone. “I got you now, checkmate bitch! I’m gonna be raisin’ your kids, and they can get to know their bro…”
“Yes, Dr. Boyd, I’d like to talk to you when you have a moment,” Raj said while enterin’ the room.
Tessa took a few steps back.
“What the fuck are you doin’ in here” Raj raved.
“I was just waitin’ here until you got back,” Tessa exclaimed. “Shit I been here wit you,” suckin’ her teeth.
“Baby, I’m sorry for talkin’ to you like that,” Raj said while coddlin’ Tessa, “but you can’t be here. I will call you when I leave. I have to check on the kids. I’ll stop by after that,” and he kissed her on the forehead.
“Ahem,” Dr. Boyd cleared his throat.
“Oh yes, she was just leavin’,” Raj jests while nudgin’ Tessa towards the exit.
“Yes, Mr. Beauchamp, as I was trying to say earlier, your wife sustained some severe injuries,” Dr. Boyd expressed. “She’s going to need special care, especially in her condition.”
“What special condition?” Raj questions.
“Well, she’s pregnant, and… we haven’t seen any responses or movement in her legs, sir,” the doctor lamented.
Raj is frozen in place, and I’m tryna move my toes to no avail. I’m strugglin’ and doin’ everything I can, not to make any noise. Raj can’t leave me now; we can’t break up, we have another baby on the way.
Fuuuuuuuck why won’t my fuckin’ legs move?
Tessa is on my ass, and I don’t know how long I can keep up this unconscious charade.
This is wedded war…
6 Web We Weave
“Hurts me the most when I wake.
I fumble and twist, ’til the truth starts to click.
There’s so much space in this bed.
These sheets go for miles: dreams of your smile,” Sinead Harnett roared from my bathroom.
Pacin’ around and shufflin’, “have you seen my red tie?” Raj questioned, but I continued to sing ignorin’ him.
“I’ll love you like I’ve never, ever loved somebody.
I’ll give you things you didn’t even know you wanted
Don’t tell me that it’s not enough.
My time is up; you’re over us.
‘Cause I think I might do anything for you
If you just let me…”
Raj walks up behind me and places his hand firmly around my neck. “I know you heard me,” he whispers, slowly applyin’ pressure to my windpipe.
I snatched away from the nigga to I let Raj know, “listen, nigga, I’m not Liv, I will fuckin’ kill you in this muhfucka for gettin’ rough wit’ me” I spun around to kiss him. ” But, no babe, I haven’t seen your red tie! You probably left it at the house I’m supposed to be livin’ in” suckin’ my teeth.
“Huuuuuuuuuh! I’m so tired of hearin’ that line! Don’t you have anything else to refute at this point, besides that bullshit?” Raj questioned, huffing.
“I’m just ready for all of this to be over, Raj! It’s been ten years! You married her over me and still had a baby with me,” I complained.
“It’s the same shit all the time, Tessa. You complain more than the bitch I married. At least all she wants is money and for me to be a father. You, on the other hand..” He argued.
“Me, on the other hand, what Raj? I gotta right to be fucked up about this situation,” I shrilled.
“Let’s not pretend I don’t know you’re fuckin Jayce. That nigga must got some fire,” he laughed. ” Anyway, you got that package ready for Tre?” Changing up the subject real quick.
“Yeah, that’s another thing…” before I could finish, Raj had a .38 pointed at my head.
“Go ahead and say it so that I can blow ya muthauckin’ head off bitch. My bidness ain’t for you to worry about! You just drop that fuckin’ money off like you always do, and keep that pretty lil’ mouf of yours closed” kissin’ me on the cheek as a tear rolled down my face.
“It’s coo, Raj! I got you. One day one of these bags will come up missin’, and I’ll be gone!” I yelled.
Raj straightened his tie: “and when you do, I’ll be the least of your worries. Politicians don’t take to Kindly to not receivin’ payments, and uh, your son will end up motherless” he laughed like a muthafucka.
“HE’S YOUR FUCKIN’ SON TOO RAJ,” I cried.
“Well, then he’d actually be able to come home then, huh?” laughin’ and walkin’ towards the door. “I’ll see you after I leave the hospital, and uh, don’t bring your stupid ass up there!” slammin’ the door behind him.
I felt a tug at my skirt, and I looked down, “mama! Why does daddy talk to you like that? RJ whimpered.
I hugged him, whippin’ away his tears, “don’t worry about that baby. He’s just havin’ a rough mornin’! Now go brush your teeth so we can go, baby.”
Baby Raj skipped off tickled, “ok, mama! I love you!”
“I love you too, baby,” I whispered watchin’ Baby Raj in the bathroom singin’ and smilin’.
“I got sumn for everybody, baby boy. Don’t you worry!” smilin’ to myself. The secret for my health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate what his threats might be. I’m livin’ in the present moment wisely and earnestly. And at this moment I know everybody got me fucked up!
“UGH! Can somebody come turn this fuckin’ machine off” yellin’ in the bedside intercom?
“They need to hurry the fuck up,” I murmured, “I’m so ready to get out of this muhfucka! Lord knows I miss my kids, I’m hungry as all hell,” slammin’ down my spoon, “and I have some serious moves to make.”
“Yes, ma’am, someone will be right there,” a quirky little voice from a nurse came across the intercom.
Skrrrrrrrrrt, the curtains to my room comes flyin’ open.“Heeeeey there little lady,” a country-twanged voice said.
“OH MY GOD ROGER! I’m not in the mood for physical therapy right now, they haven’t brought my pain meds, and this fuckin’ box won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP” I yelped swingin’ at the IV pole.
“Ok, Ok, now, shawty! You don’t have to do allat! Let me see what I can do.” Roger stepped out of the room to the nurses’ station.
“Can we get Mrs. Beauchamp some meds so I can work her out please?” suavely asked the nurses.
“I’ll get her anything she wants if you work me out, Rooooooger,” a young red-headed nurse replied seductively.
Raj was callin’ my phone, “I don’t have time for his gaslighting bullshit right now! Why the fuck did I marry such a narcissist?” pressin’ end on that nigga.
“Ahhhhh! Look what I got here for you!” the red-head nurse giggled.
“It’s about time. You know you’re late right,” snarlin’ at her ass.
I wish Jayce was here; he is my Fentanyl, my Demerol, my Morphine, more excellent than any doctor could ever prescribe. How could I even be thinkin’ of him at a time like this? My legs fucked up, I got him locked up, I hope he’s free. I really gotta stop bitin’ at my nai…
“Alright, Mrs. B., you ready,” Roger disrupted my thoughts.
“Yes, I’m ready as I’ll ever be. I’m ready to get out of here” I cringed strugglin’ to get out of my wheelchair.
“That’s what they all say” Roger moaned, “you ready to leave me already?”
“Oh, it’s not you hun, I just want to walk again Luv,” I said as I grappled with getting up on the table.
This can’t be real, I reached for my phone.
Roger hollered, “UH UH WHAT TELL YOU BOUT PHONES IN MY GYM?”
“FIRST OF ALL, THIS AIN’T A GYM,” I hollered, snatchin’ my hand back.
“Ok, well then you’re just gonna be here longer. I get paid regardless,” Roger snapped back walkin’ out.
I can’t believe Jayce is textin’ me. I mean, I know he has the bread to get out, but why would he be textin’ me after what I did to him? I really didn’t know what to do at that moment, and as of right now, the damsel in distress act didn’t too much good for me other than this accident buyin’ me time. I really just need to get my ass out of this chair so I can get up outta here, but for as long as people think I can’t walk and I’m pregnant, everything is gonna go my way. I really can’t help but just laugh at myself right now. Let me see what this nigga wants, and maybe he’ll slide in here and give me some of that dope diiiiiiiick, laughin’ wit’ my tongue out at my screen.
“Liv, how could you do this to me? You know I love you; this could fuck up my career,” Jayce texted.
” I’m here fightin’ for my life, and this is what you’re textin’ me?” I asked.
The stale grey painted office had two floor-to-ceiling windows, as I faced the federal holdin’ facility. On the massive mahogany desk sat a Macbook, a notebook lying open, a few pics of Raj and some unknown black male dressed in black Balmain jeans, a black tee, and a black leather motorcycle jacket.
“Soooooo, what’s your plan now genius,” my partner Brian, a mid-thirties, brown-haired detective, who everyone thought resembled Channing Tatum, and he thrived on that shit, asked walkin’ into my office.
“Don’t’ you knock Jefferies? What does it look like I’m doin’? I’m workin’ on it; I finally got her to respond to a text. I’mma get her open” I urged
“Well, the door was open, and you were sittin’ lookin’ stupid,” he laughs. “And you better not blow your cover or you’re toast,” Jefferies laughs bitin’ down into an apple, sittin’ on the edge of my desk.
I gotta get back in this woman’s good graces without lookin’ too eager or desperate because she’ll know I’m on bullshit and get further out of my grasp for me to help her. Plus, now I gotta act like I’m fightin’ a case.
”I love you with all my heart Liv. We gotta make this right; we gotta make the whole situation right. I need you, but I can’t lose everything!” I sent it via text.
Liv sucked her teeth textin’ back: “I knew this wasn’t real. You’re just tryna get me caught up behind some stupid shit you did!
“Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t know what else to do!” I responded!
“I’m sorry you must have the wrong person. I’m goin’ to block this number, and if you continue to harass me, I will notify the police,” she texted back.
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK” I hollered!
“Let me guess lover boy; things didn’t go so well, huh?” Jeffries was too tickled.
“I told you I got this!” I snapped back.
“You really love this girl, huh? I guess after all the time we’ve invested in this case, you could love her,” Jeffries replied sarcastically.
“I’m just doin’ my job Jefferies” slammin’ my MacBook closed.
7 Enemy In Disguise
Pickin’ up and seein’ my kids like this every day is one of the best parts of my current situation. They don’t measure or value me only for productivity, paper, or pipe. I’ve been fuckin’ the game so long; it’s startin’ to fuck me back. “Huuuuuuh,” let me call this fat fuck before my babies get in the car. Out of all the shit I got into in my life, I avoided the trap and got myself into an even bigger trap fuckin’ wit politicians. “Hmmph,” it is what it is.
“Heeeeello,” Paul’s raspy nasty soundin’ voice ripped through the speaker. Decades of smoking Pall Mall’s and drinkin’ Jim Beam made his voice sound like it was travelin’ via vocal cords of grit and sand, and I always wondered which breath would be his last. Any one of em would be suitable for me at this point.
“What’s up, old man?” I asked.
“Ah, just makin’ sure everything is on point, my boy, I wanted to hear from you, ooaugh!” Paul hacked and coughed on the phone.
“You might wanna get that checked out, man! But anyway, delivery’s at 3 pm today,” I answered back.
“Why so late? No worries, as long as it’s there. Phhuutoooh!” spit sputtered from his mouth. “And, I think you’re right, time to see a physician. I’ll hear from you next month, I would presume?” Paul asked.
His phlegm-filled lungs sounded tired as fuck.
“Absolutely!” I said excitedly.
Paul was a man who had broken down to nearly two decades older than his public persona. Whatever the fuck he had, was eatin’ his pale ass alive. We’d been doin’ business since I worked for anotha man, Jax, who put me up on game in commercial developin’. Everything depended on landin’ bids, so I bought a few crooked muhfuckin’ city council members, especially my street nigga Tate, and moved up to the mayor. Mayor Paul Randolph. “Hmmmph!” I say laughin’ to myself. “A win is a win!”
Now, let me get this dizzy bitch on the line to make sure she’s straight on her end. I’m shakin’ my head at the thought of what the fuck she got goin’ on. She kinda blindsided me this mornin’ wit that shit about Liv.
“Hello,” Tessa had the sound of resentment in her voice, “mmmph, what’s up, Raj?” Tessa blabbed.
“I’m just tryna make sure everything set shawty. I don’t have time for the attitude today tho. I thought I told you to drop that shit before I left the house, ma.” I said forcefully,
“Everything is good, Raj; I’m bout to meet Tre in a minute! Mmmmmtch,” suckin’ her teeth.
“I meant what I said about the attitude. I’ll call you when I’m on the way to ya crib,” I countered.
“Yeah yeah, Raj,” she sighed, “I know I won’t see you until…”
I just hung up the phone on that bitch. I do not wanna hear this shit right now. Let me go get my babies and see my wife.
I bout sicka this nigga Raj; he’s what I’ve wanted for so long. If he knew what I was really about to do, I would be dead! I haven’t really ever worked a day in my life since I met Raj, even tho he wasn’t kickin’ the paper to me like talkin’ bout. He’d bought me that house, just so he could have access to me the way he likes, and to make sure I didn’t fuck with anyone else. He bought me a Mercedes-GLA for Christmas, actually, he got me a new car every year and gave me a $2500 a week allowance.
Tuh, I needed more than that tho, and that’s where Tre came into play. Raj started sendin’ that nga to me all the time, one night I was pissed about it, and we fucked, and it’s been on ever since. Shit, I do more with him, dates, trips, and gettin’ money than I do with Raj.
I pulled up to Tre’s industrial loft, and it made my head hurt. The damned place didn’t have an elevator, and climbin’ those stairs in my Aquazzura Sprits pissed me off to the max, but then again, I can’t wait to see him. If we really had it our way, we would be together.
The only reason I know Baby Raj is Raj’s son and not Tre’s is because Raj made me have a DNA test. He said he refused to take care of a kid Raj didn’t know for sure was his, but wait until he finds out Aspen may not be his baby. “Ha!” I hollered suckin’ my teeth and tryna sprint lightly up these fuckin’ railway stairs.
“Ugh,” once I got up to the top, the entry the house-lights came on, and Future’ Rider’ softly played from his hidden Bose sound system, the same volume in every room I’m walkin’ in tryna find my bae.
“You wanna drink shawty,” I heard Tre say so sweetly walkin’ up behind.
“That would be lovely,” I replied, takin’ a deep breath. “I just got done talkin’ to your paaaartner; everything is a go!”
“Well, I guess that means we have time then” lookin’ at me dead in my face with his deep golden honey eyes lickin’ his lips.
Damn Tre gorgeous as hell! 6’3 ripped body, but still slim, caramel peanut butter complected, with locs down his back, but you could never see ‘em unless he was home because he kept them wrapped tightly to hide his identity.
I licked my finger and started rubbin’ it down his chest.
“You know, I’m always ready for you,” I said, bewitchingly.
“Then move in with me,” Tre whined.
I stopped him mid-sentence kissin’ him softly on the lips. Tre began to move closer and slowly undress me, runnin’ his lips on my shoulders. He slipped my Moschino oversized tee over my head and started caressin’ my breasts under my bra.
Runnin’ his fingers down my curves, caused a tingle in my neck that jolted down to my vagina, and made it drip. I could feel my clit pulsatin’ from his breath on the back of my neck, and his gentle hand in the front slightly chokin’ me. His teeth found the arch in my back, he bit my round ass, and Tre’s tongue began slurpin’ up my asshole, and I moaned’ in need. Cuppin’ my cheeks, he began to spread them apart until it felt like my ass was about to crack, swipin’ his lips and tongue from the front to the back, he eased any pain that I even think I mighta felt.
Tre stood up, moanin’, “Mmmmm, bend over for me, baby!”
His hand felt the warmth of my vagina, it was deep, warm, and I gushed to the touch. His fingers were all but sucked inside. I put a serious arch in my back, and he began to drill in me, thrustin’ deeper and deeper. I rocked my hips right along with him while he was bangin’!
Tre was pulled a gaspin’ moan down his throat watchin’ me slide down to put my mouth above his strong erection. Brushin’ my tongue several times across the tip, I slurped it up hard into my mouth as Tre began to convulse and moan louder. The feel of my hot soft lips caressin’ his sensitive flesh as they slid over the tip, drove him wild. My tongue was long and silky and seemed to wrap itself around his whole thick ten-piece. I was droppin’ spit, and usin’ a firm grip with my warm hand to twist, then, I felt his babies slide down my down, and I swallowed.
“Let me, um, go get myself together. I know you have things to do, and I gotta get RJ.” I said, and Tre pulls me back down to the bed.
“I wish you could just stay here with me,” kissin’ me on the lips.
“I do too, but you know what kind of trouble that would cause,” I said while gatherin’ my belongings.
Tre spun around so fast; I felt the wind from it blow my hair.
“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT NIGGA! WE JUST GET MONEY TOGETHER!” Tre hollered snatchin’ away from me. “He betrayed me a long time ago!” sighin’ under his breath.
That’s my cue to go. When Tre gets like this, I know he’ll start to plottin’! Ever since Raj fucked his girl Tori, shit ain’t been the same between the two of them, but if Raj knew about us, it would be a war.
“There’s a Nordstrom bag for you in the closet and leave that briefcase on the kitchen counter,” he said headin’ toward the shower.
I just watched him walk away with his head down. God, how I love him, but I know it’s somethin’ that can never be.
“Tre, I’m gone” I hollered tryna make a swift exit clunkin’ down the steps. A chill wind began to breeze through makin’ me run faster towards my truck.
Let me tell this nigga I did my part.
“I dropped off the kids,” shootin’ him a text.
“Good,” Raj texts back.
Let me get home so I can shower and cook before Raj gets back.
8 Cold Day In Hell
I was always told by my mother never to dream because life didn’t work that way. No brave princes were comin’ to rescue me from my misery, but my father was all of that and more, she just wasn’t happy with who she was as a person, and I realize that now, but back then it shattered me and turned me into a beast. That’s how I dealt with Raj cheatin’, I just needed to keep up the facade of a happy life, while he paid the way, but then there was Jayce. He was my knight in shinin’ armor.
I can’t wait to get out of the hospital. First, just bein’ in the here period, but rehab with a growin’ bump, is a bit much! Shit! Let me call this man. I’ve played with him for too long. It’s time for me to decide on who I’m gonna be with.
“Hello….” I heard Jayce on the other end.
“I’m goin’ to the spot soon. My doctor told me that I’d be released in less than a week, and I don’t feel like entertaining Raj!” I whined to him.
“Um, hello to you too. You do realize we have more significant problems; I can’t e’em be in the same space with you right now, and um, what about your kids tho Liv?” he sounded sad as fuck.
Liv: Well, I have one inside of me that I have to be worried about right now as well, and the stress from Raj will make me lose it.
Jayce: The one inside of you?” soundin’ surprised as fuck.
“I gotta go; I’ll let you know when I get there,” I tried to say warmly.
Liv! LIV! Answer my ques…” I cut Jayce off.
I had to smooth hang up on that nigga after that. Ain’t no way I could explain that over the phone, but when he sees my stomach… shit is gonna get real serious! I had tried to hide it, but both Jayce and Raj mentioned I was gettin’ thicker. This wreck really fucked up my plans. I’ve only been here a few days, and it seemed like layin’ on my back made my stomach more prominent.
The mornin’ droned on with ineffectual love songs from my Spotify billowin’ through my darkroom. The angst I was feelin’ for Raj gnawed at me, tormented me, and I could think of nothin’ other than finally findin’ a way out.
My peace, my freedom, at any cost. My life was deliberately built to prove my mother’s words wrong, I may not have that fairytale with Raj. I do know just where to find it, tho! Plus, this nigga RAj talkin’ about leavin’ me for Tessa. If I told that nigga that she fucked with Jayce, I would be outed, so I just gotta eat this shit and make some moves.
I have been focused on Liv with extraordinary intensity. Her soul sings to mine. My soul is hers, and it always will be, in any world. No matter what happens! With my voice crackin’, and takin’ a breath.
“I need you to remember that I love you,” I whispered to myself.
I’m so tired of this court shit for no reason, and I let myself get here by foldin’ under pressure in the restaurant. I love Liv so much, and it’s killin’ me on the inside. This has been one messed up conversation on the way to court.
I have enough to think about now. Will I be outed as a federal agent? Is my case against the mayor and Raj compromised by fallin’ in love with a mark? Do I actually have a baby on the way, or does it belong to a nigga I fuckin’ despise? My mind is so clouded right now, but I have to face the music and the judge.
“Mr. Bordeaux, I see that you’ve been keeping up your end of our deal and staying away from Mrs. Beauchamp, I don’t honestly feel as if you are a threat to her, given the situation. Therefore, I’m going to dismiss this case, but the protective order stands for another ninety days. Mr. Bordeaux, done disappoint,” the white female judge said, speaking determined and frank to me.
“Don’t worry, your honor; I will not let you down,” I replied.
“Thank you, sir, but don’t let your self down! Next case!” the judge hollered while slamming down her gavel.
I’m glad this shit is finally behind me, but I don’t know how I’m gonna tell Liv can’t see her for another three months, plus I need to see if that baby is mine. I guess this will give me time for he or she to be born or whatever, and for us to figure out our next steps together. I gotta hope she doesn’t run off when I arrest her husband.
Comin’ out of my daze, I see Jeffries heading towards me, smiling.
“Looks like you came out unscathed,” Jeffries said, laughin’ hard as hell.
“Yeah, just by the skin of my teeth, but I think the judge kinda liked me,” I smirked and elbowing Jeffries lightly to the gut.
“Well, I see you back at the office my guy, I have to grab this warrant for Beauchamp! We’re servin’ him today. I don’t expect you to be there. I’ll catch up with you tho,” he hollered headin’ towards courtroom 3C.
I was not ready for all of this to happen so soon. At least not today as I’m leaving’ court. I gotta get my head in the game.
I look down to see a text from Tessa, what this bitch want?
“ooooooooooh! DO I HAVE SOME NEWS THAT YOU WILL WANT MY LOVE,” Tessa texted.
OH, SHIT, I sighed, rubbin’ my hand across my face takin’ a deep breath, and I text back, “what’s up?”
“Oh naw baby, this is face to face,” she texts back.
I could hear here smart ass through the words. So I hit T back and told her I would meet her after work, but I just might be workin’ late little does she know, takin’ her man out. I know she’s gonna be pissed, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Her conniving ass will find another victim to bleed dry for Louboutin’s.
This nigga Raj got me over here takin’ care of his family. My family. These would’ve been my kids if Liv woulda backed the fuck down.
“Asssssssssspen come here, sweetheart,” I teased up the stairs, as I hear her little feet hit the floor.
“Yes, come here and let Aunti Tessa see you for a minute,” I secretly whispered to myself.
“Yes, Auntie,” Aspen squealed ever so sweetly.
“Come here, baby, have you ever seen one of these,” I asked stoopin’ down to her level.
“Yes, ma’am, it’s a q-tip,” she jumped up and down happily.
“Yes, baby, it is, I’m going to rub this on the inside of your cheek. I promise it won’t hurt,” I tried to assure her that this was nothin’.
“Ok Auntie,” she screeched “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh,” holding her mouth open allowing me to rub her cheeks with the swab.
“Thank you, baby,” I smiled and tapped her on her bottom as she scurried away.
Now, to find Raj’s toothbrush. I hate goin’ in their bedroom knowin’ that he fucks her like me in this colossal ass bed. I can smell her here, her perfume and lotions. I swear I hope I never have to smell this bullshit again. I could feel the rage inside of me as I was standin’ at the sink lookin’ in the mirror, Moni crept up on me.
“What are you doin’ in my parents’ room,” Moni questioned scornfully.
“Well, I’m lookin’ for your father’s toothbrush and shaving kit to take to his office love, ” I divulged tryna hurry up and get out of there.
“His is the purple one,” she said quietly puttin’ her head down. “I’m “sorry, I just really miss my mom. I miss our life,” as she rested her head on my shoulder.
“It’s ok hun, I understand,” pullin’ her in for a hug. “Everything is gonna be ok,” I whispered, kissin’ her on the top of her head, “everything is going to be ok.”
I was seething with displeasure, but I knew I had to play the game if I wanted to win. We both headed down the stairs, Moni split from me goin’ into her bedroom with her friends laughing.
“Mrs. Garves will be here shortly, guys,” I hollered to the kids.
In less than thirty-six hours, those sweet little eyes that just stared at me will reveal her mother’s lies, and her father will be mine. One thing Raj didn’t play about was his kids, and to find out one them isn’t his would shatter this whole little thing they had going! I chuckled to myself headin’ out to drop the test off at the post office.
The way Tessa just dipped on me had me in my feelings’ today, but I need to shake back. It’s all about the paper, and I’m tryna get it all and dip with my bae. We took a trip to Bali, and I know Tessa loved Indonesia, so I have to decide on Canggu. It’s busy but has excellent beaches and surfin’, something she had become a boss at. I’m thinkin’ about the peaceful vibes and fun of Uluwatu.
My attention was drawn from my computer by a voice I knew all too well with Raj.
“Damnit, Raj, I just need you to hear me out,” I heard Tori cry.
“I’m not tryna hear that shit. You have been tryna fuck up what Liv and we have since I first fucked your tired ass,” Raj hissed at Tori.
“So you just gonna talk about me like that in front of our child Raj? You know you a fucked-up nigga man. Eight years we have been goin’ back and forth, but you never have a problem when you’re in my bed,” she argued.
“Well look, that was a “mis…” Tori cut Raj off mid-sentence.
“So all these years been a mistake, huh,” she groaned. “It’s coo Raj; you’ll get yours in the end,” she grabbed her cryin’ daughter, and I heard the door slam.
Well, that was great, good thing iPhones record, I bet Tessa will lose her shit when she hears this. This muthafucka had a baby with my bitch, I’ll be damned, but that’s what she gets for flippin’ on me for this nigga. Let me buy these tickets and get the fuck on.
It is time for me, for us, to leave for good. What’s goin’ on inside of me at this time is fatiguing and painful. I must protect myself, my heart, and soul before the damage is too much. I put this nigga through school, funded his projects, walked through any and every storm, but it was akin to trying to build on quicksand.
And though I tried, his disloyalty broke me. So I’m takin’ what I want for myself, Tessa and RJ. I stayed down with this nigga through everything, but I won’t keep walkin’ into the same storm that once left me for dead, not a chance in hell.
“Hello, love!” Tessa says.
“Tessa, we gotta link. I gotta show you something. Bring bags for you and RJ!” I replied.
“Uh, ok,” Tessa sounded as if she was about to question me.
“Do what I said now! Don’t forget y’all passports; I’ll be there at 10 p.m.!” I hollered at her.
“I said I wasn’t….” Tessa started.
“Just do what the fuck I said,” I hollered in the phone.
“Ok, baby! We’ll be ready,” and she hangs up the phone.
Paradise, here we come with a big bank account. I do my best to slide out of the office, so Raj doesn’t know I was there. I’m ready for my new life. I’ve hustled for twenty years to do what it is I wanna do in life finally. “Goodbye,” I whispered, turnin’ off my office light.
The nerves of these bitches! Everybody wanna baby by Raj, but the bitch I want to have my babies. I gotta wonder if the one Liv is carryin’ is mine right now, especially after what my father told me.
Liv and I never really got to the bottom of her accident and what occurred at the restaurant because I was tryna let the bitch heal, but uh, this baby shit is weighin’ heavy on me now like a muthafucka.
I promise if that ain’t my baby, Imma kill it and her ass. It’s gettin’ late, and I’m ready to see my kids.
“Hello there, Raj, How are you this evening?” I heard Mrs. Graves say.
“I’m well, just calling to check-in,” I responded respectfully.
“Well, everything is fine here,” she sweetly advised. “The children have done their homework, and have eaten, we’re just hangin’ out!”
“Awesome! I’m going to stop by the hospital to check on Liv, and I’ll be there soon,” I said and hit end.
Drivin’ over to the hospital, I turned off my phone. I don’t wanna hear from anyone right now, especially after the day I have had. I will be so glad when my wife is back home, everything is out of order and fallin’ apart without her presence. I know I sold Tessa a dream, but I just need her to handle my business. I could never be with her, hell even be seen with her as anything but an assistant.
I just really hope Liv hasn’t betrayed me. I haven’t been the best husband, but she’s always had everything she’s wanted. Maybe all she really wanted was me, and I was too selfish to give her that. Now, I have to deal with the fact that I did her wrong, and she stepped out on me.
Bryon Tiller’s voice was swirling in my head.
“This what happen when I think about you
I get in my feelings, yeah.
I start reminiscing, yeah.
Next time around, fuck, I want it to be different, yeah.
Waiting on a sign, guess it’s time for a different prayer.
Lord, please save her for me, do this one favor for me.
I had to change my playa ways got way too complicated for me.
I hope she’s waiting for me…” dynamically sounding from my speakers as I cut my car off.
The song touched me and made me think of the fuck shit I’d done. It was an invitation for slowness and to feel the presence of myself while sittin’ in the parking garage of Piedmont Hospital. Loosenin’ my tie, I take a deep breath and start makin’ my way towards the elevator.
Tack. Tack. Tack…
I could hear someone behind me, high heels hittin’ the pavement hard as hell, but I pay it no mind until I hear a familiar voice call out “RAJ,” and as a turned, I felt like I got punched in an open wound.
The heat radiating from my chest felt as if I was on fire, and then I felt the warm liquid on my abs. I knew that I had been shot. I looked up to see her face, and all I saw was the custom, purple grip frame module, of the 9 mm Sig Sauer P320 that I had bought her in my face, and I knew that it was over for me.
I had played the wrong woman, and she was out for revenge. As she stood over my body, I saw no remorse on her face as she blasted two more times. People do crazy stuff when they’re in love.
9 Stone Cold Killer
My brain skipped a beat, my trigga finga squeezed in surprise and a single shot fired, but it felt good, so I fired two more. All of the pain he’d caused me, escaped my body, as Raj took his last breath. I couldn’t do anything but laugh to myself, thinking about our history.
How the fuck do you even marry someone else while living in a house with someone else, who’s supposed to be your girlfriend? Seven years in a relationship and four of those years, Raj and I lived together trying to pay off the house my brother left me when he died. I was a strugglin’ college student, and he was broke as fuck tryna get contracts with his college buddy, and now, Councilman Tate!
“Tuh,” I released one of the deepest sighs I could muster, thinkin’ of these bitches and how Raj played the fuck outta me. Raj and Tate made some pretty expedient moves bein grimey, can’t be mad about that, but that nigga had to take this L! It was time for him to expire.
His stolid reaction is what blew me after firing that first shot. He looked me dead in my eyes and still didn’t care about the tears that fled from them, for the last time, for him. His sardonic grin shook me to the core. Even in death, the bitch still had to get the last laugh.
Back then, in a concerned girlfriend, hoping to be his wife one day, but he kept saying we were too young, way, I cosseted him as he tried to pick up the pieces of his life. I was supposed to “build” with him, but as soon as he met Liv, Raj forgot about me. Hell, he left me at Tori’s show!
I should’ve known then to walk out the door, but smooth ass Raj walked in the next evening with flowers and a dinner I knew we couldn’t afford. Raj and Tate’s degenerate ass’ had wiggled their way in to see the mayor Paul and copped the deal of their life, but there was just one thing they needed, money!
I could smell the phlegm in his throat as Paul wheezed. I hated meeting him at his office, it was too out in the open, and sloppy to me. He was a demagogue but used niggas to do his bidding. He thought he had me, but this gig was made for me. See, Paul knew the Feds were on to Raj, and he couldn’t be taken down with him.
“Well, you always seem to take care of things when I need them,” Paul said with a gleam in his eye and a smize on his face.
“I aim to please,” I said, playing coy with the bastard.
“I suppose you’d like to get paid now,” Paul wheezed with a grumbling cough handing me a Centro Croco Maxwell-Scott bag.
Paul always brought me something nice with my pay. Over the years, I’ve collected a lot of souvenirs from high powered men who need a femme assassin. I’d used every piece of the pain of love to kill, and I was exceptional in my skill.
After Raj dipped on me, I went to Paul for work. My brother Michael worked for him as a bodyguard. Mike would take me to the range every Saturday. He taught me how to shoot everything from assault rifles to handguns. I’d become a marksman by the time I was nine. He put me in jiu-jitsu after our parents died, so I could protect myself while he was working. Living in the Bluff wasn’t the safest place in the world, and them niggas had guns, what would fighting do? It really just kept me off the streets and from being “fast,” as my granny would say.
Mike did all that for a reason, and I wouldn’t be as spicy as I am today without him. He left me $500,000 in the floorboards of our house I still live in n. Raj was so sly and so beautiful that I let him move with me, gave him $100,000, and I found out he was married through an Instagram post. Tuh! I’d never let him know where I got the money, and I always played broke, so he used not trusting me as an excuse for a break, and two weeks later, he was vacationing in Maui with his new bride.
“I couldn’t let him ruin my running for the presidency Bri, I hope you understand,” Paul snapped, waking me up out of my daze.
Grabbing the bag and just spun away and left. No one will never know how I felt about this kill, it’s my last, but it was worth it nonetheless.