Last night was mad real and strange at the same time. I was definitely not ready for O.C. to pop up on me, but I shouldn’t be surprised. What surprised me was J’s response to everything. He was mad at first, then cool calm and collected, then nasty as the fuck in bed. I’m still catchin’ a tingle from the way he ate the box, made love to me and beat the box into oblivion.
Octavius had a one-stroke, short ass mission, that used to piss me off, but he had a dope mouf game, the connects that I needed in the art industry at the time, but that wasn’t enough for me. He had baby mama issues, and the coke would keep his dick from workin’ most of the time. I gave so much to that nigga that I started losin’. I tried to be down and take care of Octavius while he was down, and that shit brought me down. What a bitch won’t do for love, but walk off before you spiral into an abyss. Well, at least I did, and I’m sure there are a few more ladies out there who have as well.
Anywho, it’s time for me to pull out my tarot deck, and find out what’s really real and what’s gonna happen fuckin’ wit this nigga J because I failed to do that in previous relationships, especially O.C.and I can nip it in the bud ahead of time. I probably shouldn’t think so negatively, but um yeah, I pick all the wrong ones. What I will say is that J touched my soul with the way he put it down. I woke up naked in a wet spot, and he was still there holdin’ on to me tightly. Work called him, and he had to burn off, but I could’ve laid there with him forever. The warmth of his body was everything to me and then some. I felt so comfortable, so at ease.
I’m openin’ my large ass bay windows to let the heat of summer in, some sunshine, and I gotta free whatever spirits this nigga may have left in my home wit this sage. I can’t let them run amuck in my shit drivin’ me anymore crazier than I already am from my own bullshit. Comin’ in here right now, J would be greeted by the aroma of the roses, lavender, and citrus, everything I smelled on him.
I’ve been tryna restore, harmonize, and balance my spirit for some time after dealin’ with O.C. shit. He took me to a place where I hated him and myself at the same time. I’ve lost touch and have been livin’ in a lifeless, colorless world that lacks the joy and succulence that the soul brings. I’m not sure why I put in four years, other than the fact the money was good until he drained it wit his habit.
I’m just sittin’ here legs outstretched overcome with a great weariness. It’s time for me to shuffle these Manzell II’s and see what this shit means. I’m also on a mission to make some heavy paper at a show at The Phillips Collection in D.C.
Christina Aguilera’s ‘Loving Me 4 Me’ s blarin’ in the background. Her subtle use of vocal harmony and mild rhythmic syncopation has me in a daze. This song takes me out of my depression. I just wanna man to love me for me, no makeup, no cover-ups. I don’t want any more ordinary shit and hardships for love. I know I deserve more than what I have accepted in this life, and I’m about to go after what the fuck I want. I need a glimpse within and a mirror into my own soul at this point.
I continue to shuffle my cards, comin’ out of my meditative state. Damn, I pulled all Major Arcana. They tell the story of the Fool, and I fa sho have been one, but it’s nothin’ but new beginnings, opportunity, and potential. I am at the outset of my journey, standin’ at the cliff’s edge, and about to take my first step into the unknown. Well, the second step, because J beat the sparks off my ass. The sheer thought of it all makes me bite my bottom lip and slink into a purple haze. Golden sparks just dancin’ around my head, as I picture his body on mine, strokin’ me deeply from the back, pullin’ me by my waist into his body, takin’ me straight up through there wit every thrust.
A cracklin’ noise from my candles bring me back lookin’ at my seven spread, starin’ back at me, tellin’ me my next moves. I know I gotta plan strategically this time. The flames are high as fuck pushin’ me to manifest my best. The one thing I’m feelin’ is at least all these mufuckas are all upright, a reverse could mean disaster. I hit my 50th Anniversary Robert Mondavi Cabernet Reserve straight out the bottle hard as fuck givin’ me a chill to shake off, tryna further investigate what’s next.
Here we go! The High Priestess, The Lovers, The Empress are the first three. Shit, this hits hard. The cards I have chosen evoke a way of life marked by twists and upheavals. In my past, I have been faced with difficult situations that have left wounds that I still feel today. I know gotta make some crucial decisions in my personal life A-S-A-Muthfuckin’-P!
They’re tellin’ me an event could change the whole picture and affect my daily life. I’m not sure yet if that means J or my show. Again, I can’t even understand why I’m stressin’ bout this nigga so hard. We met, he witnessed a piece of my life, and now I’m damn near obsessed wit this shit. I know I cannot be dick-ma-tized ! “Huuuuuuuuuuuuuh” I hit a hard sigh just thinkin’ bout this shit. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I gotta follow the right path, make the right concessions, I can advance enormously in my life projects. These cards particularly evoke the presence of a man in my life; he has feelins’ for me but will not always able to express them clearly. This will create unease between us as time passes, and my relationship with him will seem stalled. I’m hella annoyed by that because that’s somethin’ I don’t need. I gotta sage and take a spiritual bath to get myself right, but somethin’ in me won’t let this feelin’ from J go.
These cards kickin’ my ass because on initial sight, I thought they would say somethin’ good, or at least that’s what I was within’ for. Damn, the truth hurts! This shit is also lettin’ me know there is also a woman older than me who plays a significant role in your life. Right now, I’m sure if it means Gabby or Granny because I don’t fuck wit too many females on that level. One of ’em is represented in my draw by this character. Both are always on the lookout for new happenings, wantin’, above all, to leave her mark on my world. I should beware of this person who could interfere in my freedom, with the aim of influencin’ me at all costs.
The Magician, The Chariot are cards four and five of my pull, piecin’ into my soul as the flames on my candles get higher and higher. They’re tellin’ me I have recently been upset by a person I have feelins’ for, and that means O.C., at least in my mind. I’ve wanted to say too much to him, but I’ve said more than I needed to say, and I have created an even more difficult situation. The cards are tellin’ me that the Octavius thought my words were powerful and saw them as a personal attack. Although this was not what I intended, this is the result, and the only thing left for me to do is apologize, but I refuse. That nigga took me up outta here wit his bullshit. The broads, the money, my time, and my life…
I don’t give a fuck what these cards say, I’m not goin’ to see him, and tell him that I didn’t think before speakin’ and that it was the context that led me to make a mistake. I don’t want him anymore by any stretch of the imagination. That shit was too much for me, and while I don’t believe in karma, I will work my left or my right hand. Fuck a hoe that tried to do me. Selfishness and pride mean a lot of people prefer not to say anything, and I guess I’m one of those people because I will never again let a nigga railroad me. I’m not a person like that, but I’m over it.
I want more for my life. Luckily, I aborted that nigga’s kid. I ain’t proud of it, but I refuse to bring a child into a volatile situation with a nigga who doesn’t take care of his other kids. That was one of the biggest fights that we had because I felt like he was triflin’. He caused all types of extra shit in my life from jail to hell with his baby mamas, and I paid enough for his broke ass mistakes, and I don’t e ’em have any kids. I have no problem with a man who has some, I just have a problem wit one who doesn’t make shit shake for his kids. That’s bottom barrel to me, and it’s probably why I treat his ass like I do. If you don’t care about your seed, how can you care about me?
But anyway, I gotta read these last two. The air starts to escape my body when I see The Fool, The Devil, but it is what it is. I may find sumn good from the dark side. I’m not sure who I’ve been imposin’ things on, but each person is different and uses what seems logical to themselves. How can I be givin’ anybody’s advice when my life is in shambles? The cards show a recent event durin’ which I may have offended someone with my words, and it was probably Gabby at last night’s show. You wouldn’t want someone to tell you that you don’t get out enough to make money, and you should be a bit more active, but she did, so I let her know how the fuck I felt about it, and while bein’ unpleasant, it should be understandable. She stays tellin’ me who I should be with and what I should be doin’, but at times I really feel like it’s only for her pockets, not my well-being. I’ve seen her scam so many mufuckas, I’m just waitin’ on my turn, but imma killat hoe, slow!
I guess followin’ this advice you will calm my relationships because I’m cuttin’ mufuckas off and increasin’ my social attractiveness for D.C. This readin’ is like a heady potion of chance and excitement, a personal movie with myself and J as the main character, but I gotta get the weight off me first.
I look down, and J is callin’ my phone. I didn’t expect that. I guess enough of bullshit from a nigga will have you believin’ in none. I need to heal myself and my shadows because they weigh on me heavy about my decisions, but I created these spirits based on events in my life. It takes introspection, and I can’t say that I’m ready for that. I want to fill these voids, and I know I’m goin’ about it the wrong way, but maybe this part of my intuition is leadin’ me down this path.
J: “Hello, love! You got time today? I have a moment this evenin’ after work for coffee,” with a fiery tone in his voice.
Audrey: “well, hello, and how are you ?” I say sarcastically.
J: “I’m sorry, I thought you felt good after last night, so I’m tryna give you a chance to rest up and meet me later,” speakin’ to me in such a sultry way.
Audrey: “Damn, I like that, makin’ plans for us to do somethin’ together,” while rubbing’ my breasts daydreamin’ about the night before.
That’s not somethin’ that I’m used to. I’ve let the men who have been in my life walk all over me. I know I should’ve done better, based on the type of father I had and what my granny taught me, but sometimes I just wanted that particular man at the time. Whether dope boy, executive, or bum, I wanted him and had to deal with the consequences. I saw what would happen in the cards at times, but I was on a mission. This last one got me tho wit O.C., so I’m on my P’s and Q’s again!
J: ‘I’m a grown-ass man,” he snarls. “I know how to make plans, baby, so meet me at Bad Ass Coffee in VA Beach at 6” witta demandin’ tone in his voice.
Audrey: “I’ll be there,” I say ever so sweetly.
Let me get myself together. I gotta be hella fly. I can sense his expectations even tho it’s only coffee. I knew from the moment he talked to me and complimented my gown, that he would always know I would be on my shit.
Bad Ass Coffee
That thirty-minute ride had me on pins and needles! Walkin’ inside to the counter, the barista acknowledges me and asks me what I’d like. I come here all the time with buyers and Gabby. On the coo, it was amusing to me when J suggested the place, just on that accord alone, maybe he’s seen me here before, but whatever.
I order a Maui Mokka with whip cream and sit in the corner waitin’, and then I see him in a Brooks Brothers Madison Fit Striped blue seersucker suit lookin’ good ass the fuck. I wanted to take him down at that moment that I saw him. Everything was everything for me, I almost felt underdressed in my white Prada button-down dress and opened toed, laced up, heels. I thought I looked like a million bucks until I saw the man in my dreams. He begins to walk towards me, and I feel a tingle and a single solitary drip from my kitty roll down my leg to my ankle, as I high step to J with a hug.
Jill Scott’s “Cross My Mind” comes to mind thinking’ about his cologne as I inhaled his neck as our bodies touch a soft embrace. It turned me on just to see him walk into this room, across the room, out of any room, he really impressed me. I was enamored, awestruck, and confused at the same time. I wanted to take him down right there, but he pulled out my chair, urged me to sit, and began speakin’ to me.
J: “How was your day beautiful” questionin’ me as he rubbed my face.
Audrey: “It was good” I begin to blush as he massaged my calf with the soft ass palms of his hand.
J: “So what do you really want wit me, Audrey?” examinin’ me and lookin’ deeply into my eyes. “Especially after last night, it looks like you have a serious problem that you have on your hands, and to be honest, I don’t want any parts of it,” he expresses earnestly.
I really can’t even be mad at him, while O.C. has been in the way for a while, and poppin’ up, I didn’t give a damn if he did show up. I guess in my mind, if he saw a man of J’s caliber, he would get the fuck on, but it made him go harder. The nigga couldn’t e ’em stop textin’ me or callin’ all day, no matter how much I didn’t respond. The nigga even hit me wit the “I know you a witch bitch” shit, but I never did anything to him.
Audrey: “you want me to be candid wit you?”
J: “that’s all I ever want you to be!” he retorts, stirin’ his drink.
Audrey: “Look, I just wanna be treated with respect, care, and love, but if you don’t wanna do that, it’s coo. I know we talked about no relationship shit and just doin us,” I spout out before I even know it. “I need some motivation, someone I can give my all to without bein’ embarrassed. Someone I can build with, and we can take care of one another. We don’t let each other slip, and we grind together” slurpin’ up my drink, unable to believe what I just said. “But anyway, what do you want wit me, J? I saw you at the event starin’ me down. I’ve already been here before,” I snarl.
J: “Hold up, lady” he comes back sternly. “I think you have me fucked up witcha ex, and I ain’t him” as he sips his coffee. “Honesty isn’t the only important part of communication, I believe: timin’, listenin’, thinkin’, consideration, vulnerability, tone, word choice and placement, intention, the other person’s emotional state, introspection, silence make one hell of a difference, and I don’t just choose any woman. Sometimes our dedication to performin’ realness is the reason our truth doesn’t get heard, and I want mine to be heard before I get into anything with any woman; I don’t care how good she looks, even in Prada,” he airs out at me!
I wasn’t ready for all of that! I’m taken aback, but I refuse to let him see that as I sit up in my chair, adjust my clothing, and sip my coffee, but with all that, I can tell he knows that I wasn’t ready for his response.
J: “coffee is beautiful, but I wanna go home and get myself together. How about you meet me there at ten? questionin’ me as he rubs my face. “I’m gonna get out of here, so either you’re gonna pull up or not,” he announces standin’ up before I could even answer. “I can text you the addy!”
Audrey: “Well, I have a few errands to run” I lie, standin’ up with him, so I’m not left there in my seat lookin’ stupid. “See you soon,” I say, grabbin’ my purse I head towards the door, look back and wave.
I really have nothin’ to do for the next couple hours, but catch my life.
I pull up to Clara Lane, $450,000 condo, huh? Got me impressed like a mufucka, but I would expect nothin’ less of a man of his caliber. As I pull up to his garage, J greets me outside. Guidin’ me inside, there are candles lit everywhere. I was a little apprehensive about keeping goin’, especially kinda knowin’ he’s “spiritual,” and I smell lavender and patchouli all over letting’ I know he knows.
The man had crystals almost bigger than me in every corner of his space that were so beautiful I can’t contain myself.
Floetry’ Gettin’ Late’ is lightly comin’ from somewhere I can’t quite pinpoint, but the spot is so comfortable that I could care less. The man has herbs growin’ on the patio and plants growin’ beautifully inside the place.
J fixes me a glass of Sweet Red, actually remembering it was my fav. His Arabic furniture is low to the ground with pillows all over the place, and I was floored. It was almost like bein’ at home, leaning’ down on his majlis floor sofa set.
J asks me if I was hungry or if I wanted to smoke, but before I could answer, the man pulls out a 20 oz. jar of some Colombian Gold, beautiful buds. I say, “I might as well indulge.” From being’ at my flat, I know he only does joints, but he rolls one that was so mufuckin’ fat, it looked like a finger.
I let him know that I was a little hungry, and he starts pullin’ some bags out of the refrigerator. During our conversation at Bad Ass Coffee, I told the man my fav food is Pad Thai, and he had all the ingredients for it as I’m lookin’ at him take everything out. I’m like, “what you know bout Indonesian food?” and he was like, “I’m doing whatever it needs to be for you.” I don’t know what to do at that point. I’ve never been treated like this by a man.
While grillin’ the chicken, he picks me up and gently places me on the island, and starts kissin’ me from my feet to my knees and then walked off to change the music. Hearin’ Jhene Aiko “Trigger Protection Mantra’ really got me wonderin’ what he’s really on.
The man starts kissin’ me in the mouth, I’m not a big kisser at all, but it feels like he’s takin’ my breath away, and he walks off again, but my kitty is purrin’ like a revved-up Hellcat. J is movin’ around the kitchen, puttin’ the rice noodles in water, and stir fryin’ the vegetables. He has me at the edge of my seat, ready to dive on his mufuckin’ ass.
I don’t know if he knows he got me hotter than a mufuckin’ cauldron tweenst my legs, drippin’ like a faucet on his counter, and he wanna keep walkin’ off, I’ll lose it in this bitch.
He whips everything up, makes the plates, and sits them down on the patio. J pours me up another glass of wine, but I’m already in my zone, so I’m like,” I’m okay,” but he grabs me by the neck, pushes my head back, and starts pourin’ it slowly down my throat. Some of the wine runs down my face while my head was tilted, and he licks it off with the warmest, wettest tongue I’ve felt in my life! Suddenly, he busts my legs open and licks.
I’m kinda lost wit him gettin’ off his knees, but he swirls the Pad Thai around on the fork and feeds it to me while goin’ doooooown again. At this point, I can’t e ’em breathe!!!! And he stands up, swirls the fork again, and feeds me. Sir, I don’t want any food at this point! I was ready to let him inside of me again, just to tear these walls down. J grabs me by the hand and leads me to his room! I can see nothin’ but the beach with wave crashin’ against the shore as he lays me down on the bed on my stomach, handlin’ me wit care like a mufucka.
I hear a pop-top and turn my head to see what he was doin, but it was a bottle of coconut oil, J proceeds to massage my ass like he was inside of my body, hittin’ every pressure point along my spine releasin’ pressure I’ve had built up forEVA! A pause in the moment of me feelin” hella good from the massage, and I hear another snap, but it’s a familiar one, it’s a condom. I started smilin’ on the inside knowin’ I was about to get some more of that dope dick.
One mo swipe of that fat ass, wet ass tongue, and he slowly pushes the dick inside of me. I could feel my shit expandin’, but at that point, he had me so wet it didn’t e ’em matter. Slowly but surely, he was pushin’ a ten-piece with hella girth inside of me, and I was holdin’ my breath from the pain. I didn’t realize the size the first time, because I was tryna prove a point to O.C., but damn.
J went in and out in and out swivelin’ his hips, and I was in ecstasy and cryin’ out his name at the same time! He hit the back of my shit and had me hollerin’. I was grabbin’ pillows and callin’ Jesus and Satan at the same time until he grabs me by the neck and tells me to call his name.
Hol’ up heaux, you tryna trap me!
I didn’t utter a word!
He pulls that mufucka out, flips me over to the front, and went down again! At the point, I think my toenails broke on his goose down comforter. J went up from eatin’ the box, kisses me on the mouth again, and I lost all the air in my body from my toes up. He announces, “I don’t want u to cum yet, in my mind I’m like “bitch I done came bout 49 times!!!” He grabs my feet and starts suckin’ my two big toes at the same time. All I can understand at the moment is “nigga, I’ll stab you right neeeeeeeoooow for fuckin’ me this way.
I don’t generally like fingers, but he starts to rub my clit while suckin’ my toes at the same time! Just gettin’ adjusted to this shit, he flips me again and sticks his tongue in my ass! I couldn’t do shit but scream. The man swipes his tongue from the roota to the toota, and lifts me by the waist, and dives in the pussy again!!!
Just when I begin to think he’s gonna cum, this man pulls me to the end of the bed, with one of my feet on the floor, and begins to beat! I’m sure you could hear me above the night waves. J continues to beat until we cum simultaneously. I’ve never released so hard before in my entire life! I think my shit hit the moon and his hit Pluto.
Sleep begins to take over my body, and all I can think is, “keep that devil dick and tongue, sir. I need a regular nigga.” I feel like I am in love with his soul, not his body, from the way it has touched mine. His temperament is what lures me into him. His deep soothing voice is what I crave, and his warmth is what I covet. When our eyes exchange looks, it feels as if everything has paused and belongs right in its place. He has locked himself in my mind, and only thoughts about him mingle in my head. These feelins’ I have for him are stronger than just admiration, I think I am fallin’ for him.
This is copyrighted material by Sunflower The DJ ©2019