I was always told by my mother never to dream because life didn’t work that way. No brave princes were comin’ to rescue me from my misery, but my father was all of that and more, she just wasn’t happy with who she was as a person, and I realize that now, but back then it shattered me and turned me into a beast. That’s how I dealt with Raj cheatin’, I just needed to keep up the facade of a happy life, while he paid the way, but then there was Jayce. He was my knight in shinin’ armor.
I can’t wait to get out of the hospital. First, just bein’ in the here period, but rehab with a growin’ bump, is a bit much! Shit! Let me call this man. I’ve played with him for too long. It’s time for me to decide on who I’m gonna be with.
Liv: I’m goin’ to the spot soon. My doctor told me that I’d be released in less than a week, and I don’t feel like entertaining Raj!
Jayce: Um, hello to you too. You do realize we have more significant problems; I can’t e’em be in the same space with you right now, and um, what about your kids tho Liv?
Liv: Well, I have one inside of me that I have to be worried about right now as well, and the stress from Raj will make me lose it.
Jayce: The one inside of you?” soundin’ surprised as fuck.
Liv: “I gotta go; I’ll let you know when I get there.”
I had to smooth hang up on that nigga after that. Ain’t no way I could explain that over the phone, but when he sees my stomach… shit is gonna get real serious!
Jayce: Liv! LIV! Answer my ques…”
The mornin’ droned on with ineffectual love songs from my Spotify billowin’ through my darkroom. The angst I was feelin’ for Raj gnawed at me, tormented me, and I could think of nothin’ other than finally findin’ a way out. My peace, my freedom, at any cost. My life was deliberately built to prove my mother’s words wrong, I may not have that fairytale with Raj, but I do know just where to find it!
I have been focused on Liv with extraordinary intensity. Her soul sings to mine. My soul is hers, and it always will be, in any world. No matter what happens! With my voice crackin’, and takin’ a breath. “I need you to remember that I love you.”
I’m so tired of this court shit for no reason, and I let myself get here by foldin’ under pressure in the restaurant. I love Liv so much, and it’s killin’ me on the inside. This has been one messed up conversation on the way to court. I have enough to think about now. Will I be outed as a federal agent? Is my case against the mayor and Raj compromised by fallin’ in love with a mark? Do I actually have a baby on the way or does it belong to a nigga I fuckin’ despise? My mind is so clouded right now, but I have to face the music and the judge.
Judge: “Mr. Bordeaux, I see that you’ve been keeping up your end of our deal and staying
away from Mrs. Beauchamp, I don’t honestly feel as if you are a threat to her, given the
situation. Therefore; I’m going to dismiss this case, but the protective order stands for
another ninety days. Mr. Bordeaux, done disappoint” speaking determined and frank to
Jayce: “don’t worry your honor; I will not let you down.”
Judge: “Thank you, sir, but don’t let your self down! Next case!”
I’m glad this shit is finally behind me, but I don’t know how I’m gonna tell Liv can’t see her for another three months, plus I need to see if that baby is mine. I guess this will give me time for he or she to be born or whatever, and for us to figure out our next steps together. I gotta hope she doesn’t run off when I arrest her husband.
Comin’ out of my daze, I see Jeffries heading towards me, smiling.
Jeffries: “Looks like you came out unscathed,” laughin’ hard as hell.
Jayce: “yeah, just by the skin of my teeth, but I think the judge kinda liked me,” smirkin’ and elbowing Jeffries lightly to the gut.
Jeffries: “well, I see you back at the office my guy, I have to grab this warrant for Beauchamp! We’re servin’ him today. I don’t expect you to be there. I’ll catch up with you tho,” he hollers headin’ towards courtroom 3C.
I was not ready for all of this to happen so soon. At least not today as I’m leaving’ court. I gotta get my head in the game.
Boop! I look down to see a text from Tessa, what this bitch want?
Tessa: ooooooooooh! DO I HAVE SOME NEWS THAT YOU WILL WANT MY LOVE
OH, SHIT, I sigh rubbin’ my hand across my face takin’ a deep breath, and I text back “what’s up?”
Tessa: “Oh naw baby this is face to face” she texts back, I could hear here smart ass through the words.
So I hit her back and told her I would meet her after work, but I just might be workin’ late little does she know, takin’ her man out. I know she’s gonna be pissed, but that’s just the way the cooks crumbles. Her conniving ass will find another victim to bleed dry for Louboutin’s.
This nigga Raj got me over here takin’ care of his family. My family. These would’ve been my kids if Liv woulda backed the fuck down. “Asssssssssspen come here, sweetheart,” I tease up the stairs, as I hear her little feet hit the floor. “Yes come here and let Aunti Tessa see you for a minute,” I secretly whisper to myself.
Aspen: “yes, Aunti,” she squeals ever so sweetly.
Tessa: “come here baby, have you ever seen one of these,” I ask stoopin’ down to her level.
Aspen: “yes, ma’am, it’s a q-tip,” jumpin’ up and down happily.
Tessa: “yes baby, it is, I’m going to rub this on the inside of your cheek. I promise it won’t hurt,” tryna assure her that this was nothin’.
Aspen: “ok Aunti,” she screeches “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh,” holding her mouth open allowing me to rub her cheeks with the swab.
Tessa: “thank you, baby,” I smile and tap her on her bottom as she scurries away.
Now, to find Raj’s toothbrush. I hate goin’ in their bedroom knowin’ that he fucks her to like me in this colossal ass bed. I can smell her here, her perfume and lotions. I swear I hope I never have to smell this bullshit again. I could feel the anger wAs I’m standin’ at the sink lookin’ in the mirror, Moni creeps up on me.
Moni: “what are you doin’ in my parents’ room,” she questions scornfully.
Tessa: “well, I’m lookin’ for your father’s toothbrush and shaving kit to take to his office
love, ” I divulge tryna hurry up and get out of there.
Moni: “his is the purple one,” putting’ her head down. “I’m sorry, I just really miss my mom. I miss our life.
Tessa: “it’s ok hu, I understand,” pullin’ her in for a hug. “Everything is gonna be ok,” I whisper kissin’ her on the top of her head, “everything is going to be ok.”
I could feel the anger welling up inside of me, but I had to play the game if I wanted to win. We both head down the stairs, Moni splits from me goin into her bedroom with her friends laughing. “Mrs. Garves will be here shortly guys,” I holler to the kids.
In less than thirty-six hours, those sweet little eyes that just stared at me will reveal her mother’s lies, and her father will be mine. One thing Raj didn’t play about was his kids, and to find out one them isn’t his would shatter this whole little thing that had going! I chuckle to myself headin’ out to drop the test off at the post office.
The way Tessa just dipped on me had me in my feelings’ today, but I need to shake back. It’s all about the paper, and I’m tryna get it all and dip with my bae. We took a trip to Bali, and I know Tessa loves Indonesia, so I have to decide on Canggu, where it’s busy but has excellent beaches or the surfing, peaceful vibes and fun of Uluwatu. My attention was drawn from my computer by a voice I knew all too well in the other office with Raj.
Tori: “damnit Raj, I just need you to hear me out,” she cries.
Raj: “I’m not tryna hear that shit. You been tryna fuck up what Liv and we have since I first fucked your tired ass,” hissin’ at Tori.
Tori: “so you just gonna talk about me like that in front of our child Raj? You know you a fucked-up nigga man. Eight years we have been goin’ back and forth, but you never have a problem when you’re in my bed.
Raj: “well look, that was a mis…”
Tori: “so all these years been a mistake, huh,” she interrupts. “It’s coo Raj; you’ll get yours in the end,” grabbin’ her daughter who was crying, and I hear the door slam.
Well, that was great, good thing iPhones record, I bet Tessa will lose her shit when she hears this. This muthafucka had a baby with my bitch, I’ll be damned, but that’s what she gets for flippin’ on me for this nigga. Let me buy these tickets and get the fuck on.
It is time for me, for us, to leave, for good. What’s goin’ on inside of me at this time is fatiguing and painful. I must protect myself, my heart, and souls before the damage is too much. I put this nigga through school, funded his projects, walked through any and every storm, but it was akin to trying to build on quicksand. And though I tried, his disloyalty broke me. So I’m taking what I want for myself, Tessa and RJ. I stayed down with this nigga through everything, but I won’t keep walkin’ into the same storm that once left me for dead, not a chance in hell.
Tessa: “Hello, love!”
Tre: “Tessa we gotta link. I gotta show you something. Bring bags for you and RJ!”
Tessa: “uh ok,” soundin’ as if she was about to question me.
Tre: “do what I said now! Don’t forget y’all passports; I’ll be there at 10 p.m.!”
Tessa: “I said I wasn’t….”
Tre: “just do what the fuck I said,” I holler in the phone.
Tessa: “ok baby! We’ll be ready,” and hangs up the phone.
Paradise, here we come with a big bank account. I do my best to slide out of the office, so Raj doesn’t know I was there. I’m ready for my new life. I’ve hustled for twenty years to do what it is I wanna do in life finally. “Goodbye,” I whisper, turning’ off my office light.
The nerves of these blotches! Everybody wanna baby by Raj, but the bitch I want to have my babies. I gotta wonder if the one Liv is carryin’ is mine right now, especially after what my father told me. We never really got to the bottom of her accident and what occurred at the restaurant because I was tryna let the bitch heal, but uh this baby shit is weighing’ heavy on me now like a muthafucka. I promise if that ain’t my baby, Imma kill it and her ass. It’s gettin’ late, and I’m ready to see my kids.
Mrs. Graves: “Hello there, Raj, How are you this evening?”
Raj: “I’m well, just calling to check-in.”
Mrs. Graves: “well, everything is fine here,” she sweetly advises. “The children have done their homework, and have eaten, we’re just hangin’ out!”
Raj: “Awesome! I’m going to stop by the hospital to check on Liv, and I’ll be there soon,” hangin’ up the phone.
Drivin’ over to the hospital, I turned off my phone. I don’t wanna hear from anyone right now, especially after the day I have had. I will be so glad when my wife is back home, everything is out of order and fallin’ apart without her presence. I just really hope she hasn’t betrayed me. I haven’t been the best husband, but she’s always had everything she’s wanted. Maybe all she really wanted was me, and I was too selfish to give her that. Now, I have to deal with that fact that I did her wrong, and she stepped out on me. Bryon Tiller’s voice was swirling in my head.
“This what happen when I think about you
I get in my feelings, yeah
I start reminiscing, yeah
Next time around, fuck I want it to be different, yeah
Waiting on a sign, guess it’s time for a different prayer
Lord, please save her for me, do this one favor for me
I had to change my playa ways got way too complicated for me
I hope she’s waiting for me…” dynamically sounding from my speakers as I cut my car off.
The song touched me and made me think of the fuck shit I’d done. It was an invitation for slowness and to feel the presence of myself while sittin’ in the parking garage of Piedmont Hospital. Loosenin’ my tie, I take a deep breath and start makin’ my way towards the elevator.
Tack. Tack. Tack… I could hear someone behind me, high heels hittin’ the pavement hard as hell, but I pay it no mind until I hear a familiar voice call out “RAJ,” and as a turned I felt like I got punched in an open wound. The heat radiating from my chest felt as if I was fire, and then I felt the warm liquid on my abs, and I knew that I had been shot. I looked up to see her face, and all I saw was the custom, purple grip frame module, of the 9 mm Sig Sauer P320 that I had bought her in my face, and I knew that it was over for me. I had played the wrong woman, and she was out for revenge. As she stood over my body, I saw no remorse on her face as she blasted two more times. People do crazy stuff when they’re in love.