The Spaces Between Pt. 7



“Hurts me the most when I wake

I fumble and twist, ’til the truth starts to click

There’s so much space in this bed

These sheets go for miles: dreams of your smile” Sinead Harnett roarin’ from my bathroom.  

Shufflin “have you seen my red tie?” Raj questions, but I continue to sing ignorin’ him.

“I’ll love you like I’ve never, ever loved somebody

I’ll give you things you didn’t even know you wanted

Don’t tell me that it’s not enough

My time is up; you’re over us

Cause I think I might do anything for you

If you just let me…”

Raj walks up behind me and places his hand firmly around my neck “I know you heard me” he whispers, slowly applyin’ pressure to my windpipe.

Snatchin’ away I let Raj know, “listen, nigga, I’m not Liv, I will fuckin’ kill you in this muhfucka for gettin’ rough wit’ me”  spinnin’ around to kiss him. ” But, no babe, I haven’t seen your red tie! You probably left it at the house I’m supposed to be livin’ in” suckin’ my teeth.

“Huuuuuuuuuh! I’m so tired of hearin’ that line! Don’t you have anything else to refute at this point, besides that bullshit?” Raj questions.

Tessa: “I’m just ready for all of this to be over Raj! it’s been ten years! You married her over me and still had a baby with me.”

Raj: “it’s the same shit all the time Tessa. You complain more than the bitch I married. At least all she wants is money and for me to be a father. You on the other hand..”

Tessa: “Me on the other hand what Raj? I gotta right to be fucked up about this situation.”

Raj: “Let’s not pretend I don’t know you’re fuckin Jayce. That nigga must got some fire” laughin’. ” Anyway, you got that package ready for Tre?”

Tessa: “Yeah, that’s another thing…” before I could finish Raj had a .38 pointed at my head.

Raj: “Go ahead and say it so that I can blow ya muthauckin’ head off bitch. My bidness ain’t for you to worry about! You just drop that fuckin’ money off like you always do, and keep that pretty lil’ mouf of yours closed” kissin’ me on the cheek as a tear rolled down my face.

Tessa: “it’s coo Raj!  I got you. One day one of these bags will come up missin’, and I’ll be gone!”

Raj straightenin’ his tie: “and when you do, I’ll be the last of your worries. Politicians don’t take to kindly to not receivin’ payments, and uh, your son will end up motherless” chucklin’.


Raj: “well, then he’d actually be able to come home then huh?” laughin’ and walkin’ towards the door. “I’ll see you after I leave the hospital and uh, don’t bring your stupid ass up there!” slammin’ the door behind him.

I felt a tug at my skirt, and I look down, “mama! Why does daddy talk to you like that? RJ whispers sobbin’. I hug him whippin’ away his tears, “don’t worry about that baby. He’s just havin’ a rough mornin’! Now go brush your teeth so we can go, baby.”

Baby Raj skips off tickled, “ok mama! I love you!”

“I love you too baby,”  I whisper watchin’ Baby Raj in the bathroom singin’ and smilin’. 

“I got sumn for everybody baby boy. Don’t you worry!” smilin’ to myself. The secret for my health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate what his threats might be; I’m livin’ in the present moment wisely and earnestly. And at this moment I know everybody got me fucked up!


BEEP…BEEP…BEEEEEEEEEEP “UGH! Can somebody come turn this fuckin’ machine off” yellin’ in the bedside intercom?

“They need to hurry the fuck up”  I murmur, “I’m so ready to get out of this muhfucka! Lord knows, I miss my kids, I’m hungry as all hell,” slammin’ down my spoon,  “and I have some serious moves to make.”

“Yes ma’am, someone will be right there” a quirky little voice from a nurse comes across the intercom.

Skrrrrrrrrrt, the curtains to my room comes flyin’ open.“Heeeeey there little lady” a country-twanged voice says.

“OH MY GOD ROGER! I’m not in the mood for physical therapy right now, they haven’t brought my pain meds, and this fuckin’ box won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP” I  yelp swingin’ at the IV pole.

“Ok, Ok, now purty lady! You don’t have to do allat! Let me see what I can do.” Roger steps out of the room to the nurses’ station. “Can we get Mrs. Beauchamp some meds so I can work her out please?” suavely askin’ the nurses.

“I’ll get her anything she wants if you work me out Rooooooger” a young red-headed nurse replies.

Blrlrlrlrlrl. Blrlrlrlrlrlr. Raj was callin’ my phone, “I don’t have time for his gaslighting bullshit right now! Why the fuck did I marry such a narcissist?” pressin’ end on that nigga.

“Ahhhhh! Look what I got here for you!” the red-head nurse giggles.

“It’s about time. You know you’re late right”  snarlin’ at her ass. 

I wish Jayce were here; he is my Fentanyl, my Demerol, my Morphine, more excellent than any doctor could ever prescribe. How could I even be thinkin’ of him at a time like this? My legs fucked up, I got him locked up, I hope he’s free. I really gotta stop bitin’ at my nai…

“Alright Mrs. B. you ready” Roger interrupts my thoughts. “Yes, I’m ready as I’ll ever be. I’m ready to get out of here” cringin’ strugglin’ to get out of my wheelchair. 

Roger: “That’s what they all say” gigglin’, “you ready to leave me already?”

Liv: “Oh, it’s not you hun, I just want to walk again luv” as I grapple to get up on the table.

BOOP! This can’t be real, reachin’ for my phone, Roger hollers “UH UH WHAT TELL YOU BOUT PHONES IN MY GYM?”

“FIRST OF ALL, THIS AIN’T A GYM” I holler, snatchin’ my hand back.

Ok, well then you’re just gonna be here longer. I get paid regardless” Roger snaps back walkin’ out.

I can’t believe Jayce is textin’ me. I mean I know he has the bread to get out, but why would he be textin’ me after what I did to him? I really didn’t know what to do at that moment, and as of right now, the damsel in distress act didn’t too much good for me other than this accident buyin’ me time. I really just need to get my ass out of this chair so I can get up outta here, but for as long as people think I can’t walk and I’m pregnant, everything is gonna go my way.  I really can’t help but to just to laugh at myself right now. Let me see what this nigga wants, and maybe he’ll slide in here and give me some of that dope diiiiiiiick, laughin’ wit’ my tongue out at my screen.

Jayce: “Liv how could you do this to me? You know I love you; this could fuck up my career!”

Liv: ” I’m here fightin’ for my life, and this is what you’re textin’ me?”


The stale grey painted office had two floor-to-ceiling windows, facin’ the federal holdin’ facility. On the massive mahogany desk sat a Macbook, a notebook lying open, a few pics of Raj and some unknown black male dressed in black Balmain jeans, a black tee, and a black leather motorcycle jacket.

“Soooooo, what’s your plan now genius,” my partner Brian,  a mid-thirties, brown-haired detective, who everyone thought resembled Channing Tatum, and he thrived on that shit, asks walkin’ into my office.

“Don’t’ you knock Jefferies? What does it look like I’m doin’? I’m workin’ on it; I finally got her to respond to a text. I’mma get her open” I urge.

“Well, the door was open, and you were sittin’ lookin’ stupid,” he laughs. “And you better not blow your cover or you’re toast,” Jefferies laughs bitin’ down into an apple, sittin’ on the edge of my desk. 

I gotta get back in this woman’s good graces without lookin’ too eager or desperate because she’ll know I’m on bullshit and get further out of my grasp for me to help her. Plus, now I gotta act like I’m fightin’ a case.

Jayce: I love you with all my heart Liv. We gotta make this right; we gotta make the whole situation right. I need you, but I can’t lose everything!”

Liv suckin’ her teeth textin’ back: “I knew this wasn’t real. You’re just tryna get me caught up behind some stupid shit you did!

Jayce: “baby, I’m sorry I didn’t know what else to do!”

Liv: “I’m sorry you must have the wrong person. I’m goin’ to block this number, and if you continue to harass me, I will notify the police.”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK” I holler! “Let me guess lover boy, things didn’t go so well huh?” Jeffries is too tickled. 

“I told you I got this!” I snap back.

“You really love this girl huh? I guess after all the time we’ve invested in this case, you could love her.”

“I’m just doin’ my job Jefferies” slammin’ my MacBook closed.