The Spaces Between

My starin’ off into space is broken by a knock on my car window. I’m already dreadin’ goin’ inside, but Raj wants to know what I’m just sittin’ here and his dinner ain’t ready after workin’ such a long day. I take a deep breath and turn the car over to let down the window. “What’s up Raj?” 

He stares back at me as if I’m some idiot savant and asks “what the fuck you mean what’s up? Why you sittin’ here lookin’ crazy, and I’m hungry?”

I rest my face in my face and respond, “just give me a moment, I’m tryna get myself together! I had a hard day at work today, and my dad has been on my ass all day!”

Raj snaps back “well you better figure it out!” I gather my belongings and head towards the front door.

I get so tired of his shit on a daily basis, but I deal with it because I love him. I’m really too tired to cook, but that’s what he requires as the man of the house, and I oblige him as king of the castle.

“Livy I have to go outta town in the morning, so make sure you have somewhere for these kids to be after school” Raj jokingly mentions as I’m dicing onions.

“Yes sir, I’ll make sure to get right on that,” I say as I roll my eyes into the back of my head. ”

I saw that” he snarls while biting down into a peach. “why you always gotta have an attitude when I tell you to do some?”

I whisper under my breath “I  don’t have an attitude!”

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and yells “just do what the fuck I said do Liv! Ain’t no other way around it!” He walks off pissed and I’m left there with a five-year-old tuggin’ at my right ankle to be picked up, and a puppy on my left wanting to be fed.

I call my eight-year-old son to the kitchen “Gio come set the table so we can eat!” He yells back “maaaaaaaa why can’t Moni do it?”

I put my hand on my hip “BOY IF YOU DON’T GET IN HERE AND DO WHAT I SAID!”

I hear his feet hit the floor, and mumblin’ as his proceeds towards the cabinet. “Boy, you betta find some chill and do what I said.”

He slowly grabs one plate at a time and handles his business just to appease me, when Moni walks in the kitchen “ha ha ha stop bringin’ my name up lil boy and do what mommy says, ” she laughs.

Gio snaps “you the oldest and a girl, you outta be doin’ this anyway, “ slammin’ the silverware on the table. “Excuse me,” I say, “there are no gender roles in this house!”

Raj walks in “that’s woman work” he says laughingly! “But Nah for real son, help ya mama, I said I was ready to eat an hour ago” rolling his eyes. Everyone sits down and we try to enjoy a meal.

Tacos always seem to make things better in my household. Everyone is fat full and no one is complainin’. All the homework is done, and I just wanna lay down for two seconds without hearin’ my name. I really need to ground myself before I completely spazz on somebody, but I just cannot find the time to do somethin’ for myself for once. I hop down from my King size plush bed to take a shower and Raj grabs me from behind kissin’ me on the neck.

“That food was good bae! I wish it woulda been sooner!” he laughs.

“But you ate tho” I grumble back and snatch away.

“Yo, what the fuck is your problem? I try to kiss on you, show you some appreciation, and you still got an attitude” Raj scoffs.

“Look, I just wanna take a shower and cool out Raj, no bullshit right now,” I say distressed.

“Cant shit make you happy” Raj sneers back and I walk into the bathroom takin’ off my clothes. “That ass fat tho” Raj laughs as I close the bathroom door.

The heat and steam in the shower get as if they were purifying my internal being. The water beatin’ down my back, slidin’ down the crack of my voluptuous ass and streamin’ down my calves to my toes. I had so much hope for this relationship. Three kids, thirteen years, a house, and a dog later, it’s almost like we resent one another. How did we even get here? See, when I met Raj, he was one of the most energetic and excitin’ men I’d met in my life. He took me on a whirlwind rollercoaster ride, only for us to be sitting at the bottom of it, with our hands still in the air.

Gawd he was so sexy, and I really just wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me, but his words would drive me insane. He didn’t know how to just chill sometimes without gettin’ live, but that’s who he is. Unfortunately, I’d grown weary of the bullshit. “Moooooooooooom tell Gio to get outta my room” I heard Moni screamin’ from the hallway. I continued to shower and ignored their antagonistic shit. Gio was just one his father and would torture the hell out of his sister, but I need this peace right now, so they’ll just have to fight it out.

Grrrrrr the water is gettin’ cold and one of those hellions just flushed the toilet. For God sake I shoulda…Raj slides the shower door open grinnin’ from ear to ear.

“You gone give me some pussy tonight or Nah?” he laughs!

“Yeah Raj, just give me a second, ” I say sarcastically.

“Damn I can’t get in with you” Raj firmly states.

“Yeah, bae get in,” I say as I extend my hand to him.

“Gawd damn girl you got it hot as hell in here! You tryna boil a nigga” Raj yells jokingly. I bust out laughin’ and begin to wash his back.

I press my double Ds against his back and inhale his scent taking me back to the moment we met. My Gawd that man smelled so good that day, that he stopped me in my tracks, as I walked by him at my homegirl and business partner Tori’s film debut. He was dressed to the nines with some bullshit broad following directly behind him. I shoulda known he was a mess then, but that tingle I felt in my kitty when he accidentally bumped into me, took me to a-whole-nother place.